


standing here but you don't see me

by loudippedincaramel



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Louis, Dirty Talk, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Jealous Harry, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Rimming, Top Harry, Voyeurism, drunk boys being dumb, it's ridiculous how much pining there is, light homophobia, louis is harry's first boy, not a whole lot though, seriously, so much pining, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 18:28:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2591717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loudippedincaramel/pseuds/loudippedincaramel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Louis being with a guy is something Harry has always known was a possibility. Ever since Louis told them he was gay, he knew that this would come up at some point. But it was just that. At some point. It’s always been a hypothetical. Harry never thought it would bother him. But now, watching Louis squirm as he watches that other guy, it’s just not a hypothetical anymore. And Harry is very bothered by it."</p><p>or: Harry's discovery that he like boys as well as girls. One boy in particular catches his eye and he's determined to get him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	standing here but you don't see me

**Author's Note:**

> A few things about this...  
> •there is *some* het harry at the beginning.. it's not very graphic and it doesn't last for very long but specifically, there are two het scenes. The second one is extremely vague and easy to skim over..  
> •I don't hate Liam.. I should just make this a default disclaimer. I just tend to pick on him more than others... oops  
> MOST IMPORTANT  
> • I wrote like 85% of this while sleep deprived and on cold meds... I'm really super sorry if this turned out to be a gigantic waste of everyone's time... 
> 
> Title is from Before the Storm by Jonas Brothers & Miley Cyrus 
> 
> Also! Thank you very much [De](http://www.iwillscreamuntilearsbleed.tumblr.com) for being an amazing person and dealing with everything :)
> 
> Enjoy! :D

“Fuck.” Harry nearly trips over the shoes in the entrance in his rush to close the door. The girl he’s got with him giggles as he kicks the shoes under the table. Harry lets out a happy ‘ _yes_ ’ after succeeding in getting it shut and pushes the girl -Cali- against it to continue their snogging session.

“Your room, yeah?” She asks, breathing hot over Harry’s lips. Harry is just about to reply when a loud snort is heard from behind them.

“Please. Don’t stop on my account.” Louis says, then laughs right after at something on the telly.

“Uh.” Harry scratches at the back of his neck “I thought you were out tonight with the boys.”

“Oh, yeah. Niall got pissed and nearly got us kicked out so Li decided we should all just head home.” He looks up then and smiles slightly at the pair still awkwardly standing in the entrance. “So, who’s your friend then, Haz?”

Harry starts to tell Louis but she beats him to it, offering a wave and a small, “I’m Cali.” And she blushes. What? She tugs on the edge of her shirt and bites her lip, turning her body towards Harry but her eyes stay on Louis.

No. This is not happening. Again.

“We’re off now, don’t stay up too late. We’ve gotta get up early tomorrow.” Harry calls over his shoulder as he drags Cali off to his room.

She trips over her feet at the sudden tug and manages to yell out a quick, “Bye, Louis! Nice to meet you!”

Harry shuts his door, much harder than necessary, behind him as soon as they get in hoping it’ll annoy Louis.

He pushes Cali back on the bed and starts working at her clothes, trying to get them off as soon as possible. Her shirt gets stuck on her arms in the haste and Harry slows down, untangling her limbs from what looks to be a very painful position. She kisses him quickly in thanks, tucking her hair back behind her ear.

She’s really pretty, is the thing. She has beautiful brown hair and lovely green eyes and she seems so nice and genuine. Harry was also sure, up until about thirty seconds ago, that she had no idea who he was, which was even better.

“Thought you didn’t know who we were.” He mumbles, sliding against his lips along her throat and kissing below her ear.

She blushes and whispers “sorry”, squirming a bit now, obviously uncomfortable.

“It’s okay.” It really isn’t. It sucks even more that apparently he picked a Louis girl. Again. He’ll just have to do better next time.

From there on out, he’s distracted. Every time he kisses her, he thinks ‘she’d rather Louis’. When she’s going down on him, he thinks ‘I wonder if she’s thinking of Louis’. Everything he does after that is to prove to her that he’s better than Louis. Obviously. She picked him and he’s not going to let her regret it. Or forget it.

The worst part is, this has happened before. A lot. It seems like all the girls he’s had a lot in common with or seemed really nice have all preferred Louis. It just really sucks.

He’s about to slide on the condom when she asks if they can do it with her on her hands and knees. He sighs as he nods his head, wishing it weren’t quite that way. Most of the other (Louis) girls have asked for it that way as well and he knows, _just knows,_ it’s so they can pretend it’s not him. One girl even screamed out _his_ name instead of Harry’s. Thank fuck Louis wasn’t home then. That would have been awkward. That’s also why he quit bringing girls home when Louis was home. The last he needs is pitying looks and awkward offers to leave when Harry’s got company.

His breath gets shorter as his thrusts get faster and he loses himself in the sounds she’s making and the way she feels tight and hot around him. Loving that it’s _him_ making her feel this way. _Him. Not Louis._

Her moans are getting louder, breath coming out fast and rigged. He slides his hand around her to her clit and she moans even louder. Harry feels that warm feeling in his stomach start to grow, turning into a coil ready to spring loose.

“Oh God! Yes! Yes! L-. Lo-. H-” Harry slaps a hand over her mouth, partly in irritation -because _fuck that sucks_ \- but mostly because he doesn’t want Louis to hear. Apparently, that does it for her. She screams _his_ name into Harry’s hand as she comes, tightening around Harry as she rides it out.

She falls forward to rest on her arms, takes it as Harry’s thrusts get harder and faster. As he gets more irritated at how the night has turned out, her shoulders seem to broaden, her hair looks shorter and her hips look more defined, leading into a very round ass (that quite honestly, wasn’t there before).

He grabs onto her hips and thrusts a few more times, falling forward across her back as he comes. “Damn it!” he yells, smacking his hand down on the mattress.

Harry pulls out and flops to the side, catching his breath.

“I’m sorry, Harry.” Her voice is roughed up from her moans and screams, the scratchiness of it grating on Harry’s nerves.

“It’s whatever. Just-.” Harry sighs. This was supposed to make him feel better after the rough week he’s had and all it did was stress him out more. “I think you should go.” Harry feels absolutely terrible. He hates this part even though both of them know this is how it was going to end.

“Alright.” She gets up and starts putting her clothes back on, giving him a small wave and a “thanks, Harry.” as she leaves.

He lays there, waiting for the sound of the front door before getting up. Harry’s bad mood only increases when he hears a very distinct “Bye, Louis! Good to meet you!” and a much more muffled “Bye, love.” before hearing the door actually close.

Harry gets up and throws the condom in the trash, grabbing some pants to put on and heads out to the living room to cuddle with Louis on the couch.

“She was nice.” Louis lets Harry lay against him and wrap an arm around his middle, throwing his arm over Harry’s shoulders.

“Please, Lou. Just don’t.” Harry buries his head into Louis’ side, trying to hide his face.

“Was it that bad? I thought she was pretty.” He trails off, not really knowing what to say. Harry nods his head into Louis’ side, still refusing to look at him. If he does, Louis will probably catch on that there’s something more going on and telling Louis that he managed to pick up _another_ girl that likes him better than Harry _and_ managed to scream Louis’ name, well, that’s just not going to happen. Like with all the others. Harry’s yet to tell him about them.

“Bad in bed then?” Harry shakes his head again.

“Didn’t think so. Uhm.. was she into something weird?” Another shake.

Louis laughs quietly, shaking his head and mumbles, “‘Course not. Wouldn’t bother you a bit, would it?” Harry shoves his face further into Louis, slipping behind his back and the cushions. One time and suddenly _Harry’s_ the pervert. Louis can play dumb all he wants but Harry has seen his sex drawer and he is _definitely_ not one to judge preferences.

“What is it then? She call her ex’s name out or something?” Harry groans, gripping tight at where he’s holding on to Louis’ waist.

“It is!” Louis chuckles a bit and gives Harry’s shoulders a squeeze “Tough luck there, mate.”

“Yeah. Tough luck.” Harry snuggles back onto Louis’ chest, letting the soothing motions of Louis’ hand and breathing relax him.

It’s times like this Harry wonders why he even bothers pulling. It seems like everytime he does all he does is strike out or stress himself out. But everytime he cuddles with Louis, all the tension melts away and he can finally relax.

Harry takes in one more deep breath and finally lets sleep take him over, listening to the sound of Louis’ heartbeat against him like a lullaby.

***

“I just love it when they get so turned on they can’t keep quiet.”

Harry has no idea how they got to this point in conversation but apparently several drinks and being stuck on the bus for the night instead of being allowed to go out is what it takes.

“Yeah, mate. It’s lovely, one of my favorite things.” Louis rolls his eyes and takes another swig of his bottle, frowning when it comes up empty. “You guys want another?” he asks, waving the empty bottle in the air as if they needed clarification.

Niall and Zayn are quick to agree and Liam declines, asking for a water instead. Louis turns to Harry with an eyebrow raised, silently asking.

“Yeah, sure. Thanks, Lou.” Louis always gets a bit cranky when they start talking girls and Harry has feeling he’s going to need a few more drinks to not feel bad about it tonight.

Niall and Zayn go back to their discussion arguing over which technique is best to really get girls moaning, taking a small break to thank Louis when he returns, as Harry listens idly. Louis lets out an irritated huff and he flops down on the couch next to Harry.

“When are they going to learn? It’s not always about what’s _best_. Sometimes you just gotta switch it up a bit. Things are only ‘the best’” Louis makes exaggerated quotation marks in the air “if you don’t get it all the time. Otherwise it’s just what works.” Harry nods slowly, wondering how drunk he really is. Usually he just ignores the other boys when they get into their “discussions” on account of he just isn’t interested.

Not to say Louis is ever rude about it but he’s definitely never shown any interest in joining in on the talk. Not even back when he was with Hannah.

“Alright then, Lou. What’s your favorite part?” Niall asks. Liam kicks him with his foot, giving him a death glare. “What? He asked for it. Acting like he knows better than us.” Liam glares at him again trying (and failing) to shut Niall up. Apparently he has also caught on to Louis never wanting to talk about his sex life.

“It’s alright, Li.” Louis slurs his words a little, confusing Harry. He was _just_ talking to him and there wasn’t even a hint of a slur. “Well, Niall, ol’ buddy pal.” Louis takes another swig of his drink, more dramatic than necessary - _honestly-_ and sets it down with a _clunk_ on the table.

“My favorite part is when you got ‘em all squirming, yeah? Hot and wet and just _moaning_ their little hearts out. I absolutely _love_ it” Louis moves his leg just a tiny bit to the right, lining up with Harry’s from knee to thigh, and presses against him just slightly as he continues, “when they start bucking their hips, trying to ride down on your face like they just can’t help it. I really love it when they pull on your hair, right?  When that’s the only way they know how to tell you they love it and _just want more._ ”

His voice lowers the longer he talks and the boys all stare at him, mouths slightly dropped. Louis clears his throat, apparently having realized that he actually just willingly engaged in one of their talks.

Niall speaks up first, apparently having the least difficulty responding. “Jesus, Lou. Fuck. Hannah was a lucky girl.”

“What?” he blinks his eyes a few times and cocks his head, thinking. Harry can tell when he catches up with the conversation, his cheeks burning red and he clears his throat. “Oh, yeah. Yeah. She loved it, too.”

“What do you mean?”

“You guys honestly think I just stay here with nothing but my hand for company while you guys go out?” Louis laughs at the looks on their faces as they nod dumbly, grabbing onto his stomach in his giggles. “That’s great! I mean-” he breaks out in another fit of giggles (okay, so maybe he _is_ drunker than Harry realized) “I’m not sure whether I’m flattered or offended, if I’m honest.”

“So you, uh, do that often then? Find someone to keep you company?” Insert foot in mouth, Harry’s not quite sure why he’s asking, feeling like they’ve already pushed their limits today on asking Louis questions.

“Eh, not so much.” He shrugs a shoulder and reaches back for his beer, taking another gulp before continuing. “It’s hard to find someone willing and quiet.” A small chuckle escapes, a private joke just for Louis, “Well, not _quiet._ ” He throws a wink at Harry and Harry blushes, thoughts of the girl he brought home last week coming back to him. Of course Louis would think she was quiet. Harry had to slap his hand over her mouth to keep her from yelling out _his_ name.

“So.” Liam clears his throat. “What are we going to do tomorrow after the show? I was thinking we could-.”

“Hey.” Harry cuts him off mid sentence. “What was that for, Liam?”

Liam shifts a bit uncomfortably, obviously not happy having been interrupted. “What do you mean?”

Harry gives him a look that, quite frankly, would only intimidate Liam. “We were already talking about something. Why’d you try and change the subject?”

Louis stays quiet but discreetly elbows Harry in the ribs, obviously not wanting attention brought to himself. Harry ignores him, refusing to stop glaring at Liam.

“Well, I, uh. I just didn’t want to make Louis uncomfortable. He doesn’t really seem to enjoy it when we talk about girls and, uh, stuff.” Harry snorts. That is stupid considering Louis very obviously _wasn’t_ talking about girls.

“It’s basically the same conversation. And he didn’t seem to mind too much.” Harry’s voice starts to raise halfway through because _damn it_ , he thought they were over the whole ‘Louis is gay’ thing. He thought Liam was a bit uncomfortable about it before but Harry thought they were way passed that. Like, _way passed._

“I am right here, you know.” Louis smiles in attempt to calm Harry but he _refuses_ to let it go. This really is bullshit.

“If he wants to carry on talking, let him. We’re always going on about girls and he never complains. Pretty fair, don’t you think? Liam?” Harry levels him with another glare, pointedly ignoring Louis.

“Yeah, yeah. Of course, sorry Lou.” Liam sits up straighter and focuses fully on Louis obviously trying to make it seem like he wasn’t previously bothered.

“Yeah, come on, Tommo!” Niall blurts from where he’s kicked back on the couch. “Let’s hear it then. What do you do to get the lads to go crazy?”

Harry looks back to Liam, daring him to say something but Liam just stares back at Louis in a very commendable effort to at least act like he’s listening. Even Zayn seems to turn his attention to where Harry and Louis are.

“I. Uh. I.. well..” Louis turns bright red under the attention from all his bandmates and clears his throat a few times. “I think we should all go to a club tomorrow. Should go dancing. It’s been a while since we’ve danced, yeah?” His voice squeaks and suddenly Harry feels terrible.

He should’ve just let it go when Louis was trying to get him to stop.

Niall and Zayn actually look a bit disappointed that they don’t get to share some details or learn new things. Liam, on the other hand, visibly deflates a bit and Harry glares at him again.

If it weren’t for Louis being here, _right now_ , Harry would be having a totally different conversation with Liam right now.

As it is, Louis _is_ here, so Harry bites his tongue and agrees. He’ll let it go _just this once._

***

Apparently that was the ice breaker for Louis. After several hugs and “sorry”s from Harry and many cuddles to get over it, Louis started letting things slip more often. Which is perfectly fine with Harry. With, of course, a little warning first.

The next time they’re all drinking and having a laugh Louis leans over right as Niall busts out laughing and whispers, “I love it when it gets wet and messy. Nothing more satisfying than knowing you’ve wrecked someone.” Harry chokes on his drink, spraying his drink everywhere and desperately tries to catch his breath. _They weren’t even talking about that._ They were discussing a prank _Louis_ had pulled on Liam earlier. Jesus Christ.

Louis smirks at him as he grabs a dirty shirt from the floor to help clean up some of the drink.

Thankfully no one else asks about it.

***

A few days later and they’re out at a club. It was Louis’ idea to go out and so far Harry’s not complaining. He’s danced with a lot girls tonight and is feeling quite good. He’s even managed to blow off enough steam that there isn’t that itch he usually gets right before he decides to take someone home (or back to the hotel, details).

He’s sitting at a table taking a breather when Louis slides in next to him. He leans his head on Harry’s shoulder and sighs dramatically. “Hazza, love. Find me a man.”

Harry laughs and pets at Louis’ hair. “You really want me to find you a man? I wouldn’t know what to look for, Lou.” Louis sighs again (apparently being drunk makes it hard for him to breathe properly) and snuggles in closer.

“It’s not that hard. I’m just tired of looking. You find nice girls, so find me a nice man.” Well. At least Harry’s got experience in picking out people that like Louis.

“Uhm, I don’t know. That guy over there? By the red head?”

Louis’ eyes slit open, taking a look at the guy. Harry’s a bit proud, honestly. Not too bad for a random pick.

“Nah, he’s too buff.” Harry laughs a bit at the image of Louis manhandling some big buff guy and promptly gets smacked on the arm. Apparently he wasn’t as discreet about his thoughts as he thought.

“I’ll have you know, I can ‘manhandle’ any guy I want. Doesn’t matter how buff he thinks he is.”

“Oh!” Louis snaps Harry out of his daze, bright smile on his face. “Now there’s a guy! What I wouldn’t do to him!”

Harry looks up to check and sees one of the best looking guys he’s ever seen before. He’s tall and lean, muscular without the added buff that Harry found in the other guy. His hair is short and styled into a quiff and he’s dancing and laughing along with several of his friends. The guy laughs at something his friend says and Harry can feel Louis squirm against him.

Suddenly, this isn’t quite so funny anymore.

Louis being with a guy is something Harry has always known was a possibility. Ever since Louis told them he was gay, he knew that this would come up at some point. But it was just that. At _some point_. It’s always been a hypothetical. Harry never thought it would bother him. But now, watching Louis squirm as he watches _that other guy_ , it’s just not a hypothetical anymore. And Harry is very bothered by it.

Part of him wants to rip Louis away so that he’s nowhere near the other guy’s line of vision because _god help him_ if this guy got Louis’ attention. Harry startles at the thought of that. He’s being very selfish. It’s not right that Harry gets mad or does anything less than encourage Louis on this. Up until just a little over a week ago, Louis wouldn’t even talk to the boys about his interests.

And now here he is. Actively engaging Harry in discussion about fit boys and openly showing his, his _want_ , for someone. And Harry feels like _such a dick._ So, he gets his shit together, determined not to ruin the night because of some petty jealousy of not being the center of Louis’ attention.

“Yeah? You like him?” Louis nods his head against Harry’s shoulder and Harry breathes out, long and slow. He can do this. The thought that he could also use this to his advantage crosses his mind and he decides to go for it. What the hell, right? He’s been a bit curious anyways since Louis came out to them.

“What do you wanna do? Hmm? If you could have him right now, what would you do?” Louis moves to slide under Harry’s arm, getting more comfortable and laying back against his chest, hooking his ankle with Harry’s under the table.

“Well, for starters, I’d kiss that smile right off his face. God, _his lips_.” Harry runs his fingers along Louis’ side and makes an encouraging noise against his ear to keep him going. This isn’t so bad.

“I want to get my hands all over that body. You see those arms? Fuck those are nice arms.” Harry squeezes Louis’ bicep in response, noting the way Louis’ chest inflates with a quick breath of air.

Harry drags his hand back down Louis’ arm and intertwines their fingers under the table.

Louis squeezes his hand on instinct, palms slightly sweaty.

Harry nuzzles at the back of Louis’ ear, voice low despite the fact that nobody would have a chance in hell of hearing them. “You like his arms? Want him to hold you down?” Louis whimpers, just barely audible. “I’ll bet a guy like that could do _so much_ to you.” Louis’ leg squeezes tighter around Harry and he squirms more.

“No, that’s not right. You said you like to do things. Uhm. Sorry, Lou. I’m kind of at a loss here.” Louis takes the momentary reprieve from Harry whispering in his ear to take a deep breath. His hand flexes in Harry’s again, reminding him that he’s there. Harry looks down at his hand and it takes him a moment to realize that it’s still a bit off color. A little white from Louis hanging on so tight.

“It’s alright, Haz. Probably shouldn’t keep talking like that anyways.” Harry’s actually a little bit disappointed. Whatever that was, he was enjoying it. Even if only because Louis had finally opened up a little. He enjoyed making Louis happy and not having to censor his comments made Louis look happy. Made him look _good_.

“No, it’s okay, babe. I want to. I’m curious, you know? Besides, you’re not looking to pull tonight, are you?” Louis flushes and shakes his head, lowering it in embarrassment. “So let’s have some fun, yeah? No harm in that.”

Louis shakes his head again, more like he’s trying to clear his mind than refusing.

“If you’re sure, Haz.” Harry nods into Louis’ shoulder laughing as the motion forces Louis into following.

“Alright, then. You asked for it.” Harry did. He really really did.

“I’ll bet you he’s got a nice cock. Probably not too long, but that’s not what matters. I’ll bet you he’s nice and thick. You ever tasted a cock, H?” Harry starts to shake his head but Louis keeps going “No, no. Of course you haven’t. I’ll tell you what, though. Much more satisfying than going down on a girl.”

Well, Harry can’t really agree with that, but it definitely sounds interesting. At any rate, Louis seems to love it judging by the glossed over look he’s got in his eyes.

“Yeah, how’s that then? What makes sucking a dick so good?”

“The feeling of your mouth getting filled. Like, it’s so easy to tell what they like, too. Every time you do something different there’s an obvious reaction. And you feel better about it, too. Like with girls, you can’t really tell the small differences and you kind of feel like you’re wasting your time.” Not really, but alright. That would explain a few things on Louis’ end.

“It’s still a challenge with lads, though. Especially if you _really_ want to make it good. Deep throating is, like, one of the best ways to feel like you’ve accomplished something. That you’re doing _good.”_ Harry’s dick twitches in interest. Harry’s never had someone deepthroat him before. The thought that Louis apparently can just _does_ something to Harry. It’s probably just the thought of it happening to him. It’s whatever.

“God, look at him move those hips.” Harry looks over at the guy, watching as he grinds up on some girl. To be fair, he doesn’t really look like he’s doing too well but hey, what does Harry know? Louis’ the one with the experience.

“I’ll bet he’s great at giving it.” At least Louis noticed the guy didn’t seem too interested in taking it. Harry squashes out the mental image of the guy holding down Louis and _giving it_ to Louis. There’s that feeling back in Harry’s stomach again, the one that’s making him want to take Louis and run the hell out of there. He takes another drink, making a face at the lukewarm taste of it and mentally tells himself off.

Tonight is about Louis. Not Harry and his incessant need for Louis’ attention.

“You think he’d ditch that chick and let me suck him off?” Wow, okay. Harry was not ready for that one. He turns and looks at Louis, slightly surprised by the bluntness.

“I don’t know about that, Lou.” He clears his throat awkwardly, once again pushing away the image of Louis and that guy. The image of Louis on his knees. Okay, no. Not cool.

“Yeah, probably right.” They relax a bit again, Louis watching the guy as their dance gets dirtier.

“Hey, guys! Ready to go? I think Niall’s about had it for the night.” Zayn comes up behind Liam, Niall hanging off Zayn like his life is depending on it.

“C’mon, Li.” He slurs. “Let’s have a little more fun. Little more dancing. C’mon, Zaynie. Let’s go dancing!”

Zayn _oomphs_ as Niall pulls on his arm and nearly topples over, grabbing on to the table for leverage.

“Nah, man. C’mon. Let’s go home.” Harry gets up to where he’s at at the table but Louis stays, slowly inching his way out the other end.

“You guys go on ahead, I’ll meet you out there. Just gotta pop to the loo for a moment.” Harry starts to protest but his mouth snaps shut and his throat runs dry as he realizes _why_ Louis is probably going to the loo. Louis is hard. Like, really hard. His jeans do very little to conceal it and Harry tries to ignore it, swallowing to get his throat working again and helps Liam and Zayn get Niall out of the club.

About seven minutes later (not that Harry was checking), Louis comes out of the club and climbs into the car with them. His hair is a bit sweaty and his cheeks are flushed, breathing heavy like he just-. Harry flicks his eyes down towards Louis’ lap for just a second and yup. Louis is no longer hard. So either he really did ask to suck that guy off or Louis actually pulled one off in the club loo.

Harry knocks his head against the headrest where he’s sitting, trying to get the thought of Louis trying to get off as fast as possible out of his head.

***

“Hey, Lou? Can I ask you something?”

“Just did. What’s up, Curly?” Harry chuckles nervously at Louis and shifts a bit where he’s laying on the couch behind him.

“Did you ever, uh, have sex? With Hannah, I mean.” He clears his throat, hoping that he doesn’t either die of embarrassment or get hit in the balls for being an intrusive little shit.

“Yeah, Haz. Most people tend to have sex when they’ve been together for a long time.” He smirks at Harry, raising an eyebrow in question and Harry really just wants to leave it at that.

But, he’s curious, is the thing. It’s what keeps pushing him to ask all the questions, try and get answers to stuff he doesn’t feel comfortable asking others. Stuff that leaves him blushing and deleting his internet history before he can even finish looking up the stuff he searched for in the first place.

“No, I mean, like. Ugh, this is so embarrassing.” He runs a hand through his hair, tugging a little bit to help clear his mind. Or something. “Did you guys ever do it the, uh, the _other way_?” He whispers out the last part, not having any confidence to slip into his voice.

Louis’ face scrunches in confusion and _god_ Harry is going to die from embarrassment. When Louis shows no sign of understanding, Harry gathers what little courage he has to ask what he really wants.

“Did you guys ever have sex like you do now? You know, not like. Normal sex. Like.” Louis frowns at Harry, turning on the couch so he can face him properly.

“ _Normal sex_ , Haz? Really? You think the kind of sex I have _isn’t normal_?” His face is such a strange range of emotions. Disbelief, anger, confusion. But the one that sticks out the most is hurt. And that. That’s just not right. Louis should never hurt because of Harry. Ever.

“No! No! God, Lou. That’s not what I meant at all! Jesus.” He leans forward to wrap Louis in a hug, well, as much as he can from the awkward angle of the couch. Harry gives him one big squeeze and then leans back enough to look at Louis. His eyes are a bit misty but they’re determined, mouth set in a frown.

“I just. Fuck, I suck at this. Did you and Hannah ever, like, have anal sex. Is what I meant.” God, why is it so difficult to say? It’s just Louis. _Louis_ is the one who should probably be upset and blushing anyways. Not Harry.

Louis’ face smooths out a bit and he doesn’t look nearly as ready to murder Harry so he counts it as a win. For now.

“Once.” Okay, that’s something. That’s.. helpful. Hopefully.

“Was it like, really different? I mean, was it hard? Or good? Or.. Jesus, I’m sorry. Just, tell me to shut up whenever, okay?” Louis leans forward to rest on Harry’s chest in an imitation of a hug then and laughs a little. So, murder is _definitely_ off the agenda then. Good.

“You know, Curly, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you were asking me about bumming.” Harry’s face heats and yeah, he actually _is_ sort of asking Louis about bumming, isn’t he?

“You’re lucky I love you, otherwise I’d have beaten you by now for all your questions.” Harry cringes a little at that because yeah, this is him kind of taking advantage of Louis. Harry is brought abruptly aware of how _intimate_ their current position is (given the circumstances) when Louis shifts again and intertwines their feet together.

“Sorry. Just curious, you know? And who better to ask than someone who knows, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah. Why not just look it up on the internet, then? You know, unlimited information and all.” It’s a fair point, really.

“I tried. Got too embarrassed.” Louis coos at him and Harry smacks his arm back. “Plus, it doesn’t really give you an opinion. Sure, there’s all these-” he waves his hand around a bit, trying to kickstart his brain into using actual _words_ “facts. But, they can’t give you like opinions. Trustworthy opinions, at that. All there is is a bunch of perverts and fangirls on the internet.”

Louis laughs loudly at that causing an even louder laugh out of Harry. God, they’re ridiculous.

“It is different. Not really that hard. Just do the same thing you usually do but get lube cause she can’t get wet.” Louis lays back down on Harry’s chest and sighs, grabbing a small bunch of Harry’s shirt in his hand. That was, technical. To say the least. Alright.

“But was it good? Like, I guess not since you guys only did it once, so. Nevermind. Nevermind, I’m dumb.”

“You are dumb.” Louis agrees. Okay, then.

“So?”

“So, what?”

“Was it any good?” Louis huffs at him and pinches his stomach a lightly over his shirt.

“Yes, Harry. It was good. Are you happy now?”

Harry scrunches his eyes together, if it was good then, “why didn’t you guys do it more than once, then? If it was good?”

“I liked it. She didn’t. End of story.” _Oh._ Understanding dawns on Harry and seriously, _what an ass._ He’s really lucky Louis puts up with him at this point. Louis rolls back over to watch the rest of the movie playing, effectively cutting off any chance of continuing the conversation.

Not that Harry was going to continue it. Definitely not. He brings his arm up to hold Louis to him, his hand resting splayed across Louis’ heart. He kisses the back of Louis’ head and leans his chin where Louis’ neck meets his shoulder.

“Sorry, Lou.” He whispers. Louis brings his hand up to rest over Harry’s and slides their fingers together. One squeeze and Harry knows he’s forgiven.

***

“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?” Harry asks the girl over the thump of the music. She’s small and pretty, great smile. He drags his hands down to her ass from where they’ve been resting on her hips.

“Oh, I don’t know, loads of stuff. Why? You wanna do something crazy?” She smirks and licks her lips, mind obviously supplying a few pictures.

“No, nothing too crazy. Just want to try something new.” He smiles and pops a dimple for effect. Apparently it works and she grabs ahold of his arm, dragging him out of the club.

“Your place or mine?” He starts to take her back to the hotel but then remembers that he’s sharing tonight with Louis. So, probably not the best idea.

“Yours. Definitely yours.” Before he knows it, he’s being thrown in a cab and they’re on their way to her flat.

They snog the whole way there, barely taking their time to pay the driver and trip up the stairs, managing to open the door by some miracle.

Adrenaline rushes through Harry’s system and he’s just _so damn excited_. He feels like the condom and travel sized lube packet (that he stole from Louis, oops) is burning a hole in his pocket and he just wants to do it.

To finally figure out what is so damn great about it that it makes Louis light up like the damn sun.

All things considered, Harry moves quicker than he planned and in no time he’s down between her legs, sucking and slurping on her as he fucks her with his finger.

He groans at the thought of trying something new, forcing a moan out of her mouth as he vibrates against her. He adds another finger, letting his pinky and ring finger trail down a little to tease at the possibility of something else. Her hips shy away and he chases after her, throwing an arm over her waist to keep her in place.

“What are you doing?” She gasps. He wraps his lips around her clit and sucks particularly hard, crooking his fingers and she comes, soaking his hand and bucking her hips, riding out her pleasure.

“Told you I wanted to try something new.” He knows he probably should’ve been more specific earlier but his nerves got the best of him and now he’s left hoping she’ll be agreeable after an orgasm.

Luck is apparently, not on his side.

She scrambles into a sitting position, grabbing the sheet beside her to cover up.

“What? You wanna-? You wanna fuck me in the _ass_?” Her face turns into something of disgust and Harry flinches. She looks pissed.

“You said you liked crazy things.” He pouts.

“Yeah, I thought you meant handcuffs. Or some crazy ass Kama Sutra thing. Not-” her face scrunches up again. “Not _fucking me in the ass._ Are you gay? Is that why you wanna do it? Could you not find a bloke to bend over for you? So you find a bird that’s into ‘crazy shit’ to make up for it?”

Harry’s vision swims and adrenaline rushes through his veins for an entirely different reason now.

“So, fuck you for that.” She gasps, offended. _Good._ “That’s rude. And many _straight guys_ ” he emphasizes “enjoy anal. There’s nothing wrong with it.” His eyes start to burn at the sides, threatening tears. He keeps his face impartial, though, refusing to cry in front of this girl when he’s so angry.

“Get out.”

Harry’s moving before he even realizes it, angrily throwing on all his clothes. He slams the door behind him as he leaves, calling for a cab on his way downstairs.

The ride back to the hotel is silent, thank god, and Harry absolutely refuses to acknowledge the hard on he’s still got in his pants. His eyes burn in humiliation and he stares out the window, wishing time would just _hurry the fuck up._

Harry wonders if Louis ever feels this way. Like a freak and filled with shame just because he likes something different. His chest constricts at the thought of Louis feeling even near as bad about himself as Harry currently feels.

The cab stops and Harry gets out, paying the driver without a word.

Louis is sitting on his bed in their hotel room watching some shitty reality show when he walks in.

“Hey, Haz!” His bright smile makes Harry’s heart feel a little lighter and he smiles back.

 _Freak,_ his mind whispers and Harry’s face falls again.

He heads to take a shower, ignoring the look on Louis’ face. After washing the smell of _her_ away, Harry climbs into bed with Louis, resting his head on the other boy’s chest.

Louis cards his fingers through Harry’s hair, scratching a bit with his nails.

“Bad night?” Louis asks, his voice soft and smooth.

“Yeah.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“No.” Harry mumbles to his chest. Definitely not.

“Alright.” Louis hums softly and Harry drifts off to sleep.

***

“Louis?”

“Yeah, babe?”

Harry and Louis are laying on the couch again, being lazy and watching X Factor.

“I know you don’t really like talking about it but, uh-.” he falters in what he says. He’s been asking Louis a lot of personal questions lately and he’s starting to feel bad. Maybe he should make something up. Not go down this road. But his mind has been reeling with confusing thoughts ever since he tried to hook up with that girl.

The one that called him gay.

Louis must notice the indecisiveness on his face because he mutes the telly and turns to face him. Harry has a sense of deja vu from the last talk they had here as Louis slips his legs through Harry’s again.

“What’s wrong, Haz?” Louis looks genuinely concerned and suddenly Harry doesn’t have the heart to lie to him. They’re best mates. And besides, Harry would want Louis to be honest with him.

He sighs as Louis runs his hand up Harry’s side in an attempt to comfort him.

“How did you know you were gay?” Louis’ eyes widen in surprise, obviously not have been expecting it. Harry almost expects him to get defensive.

Luckily, he does not.

“It just sort of happened, I guess. I mean-.” he cuts off, trying to think over his words. “I always saw girls and guys equal. Like when it came to personality. And I dated a bit but I didn’t really see the appeal to having a girl’s attention versus a guy’s. Then I started having sex and I was just like, so what? Like. It felt good, obviously, but it was just on par with using my own hand.”

He pauses for a minute, a light blush staining his cheeks as he lets Harry process.

“So, what? You decided to try it with a guy? How would you even come to that conclusion?”

Louis laughs a little, continuing the soothing motions of his hand on Harry’s side.

“No. Not really. Hannah and I. We were trying new things and she brought up doing it _not normal._ ” Harry groans at that, wanting to punch himself in the face for ever having said such a stupid thing.

“I said I was sorry, Lou.”

“I know, love. It’s alright.” He kisses Harry’s forehead and continues. “Like I said before. She didn’t like it but for me it was, well. Not life changing, but I enjoyed it more than I did when we did anything else. The thought crossed my mind that maybe I could be gay. After we broke up, I decided to find out and I went out and hooked up with some random bloke.”

He shrugs at that and seems to think over his words some more. At the very least, Harry is thankful to finally be learning about this. He’s also thankful that Louis seems to be taking him seriously.

“It wasn’t amazing but I did notice that after the pain there was quite a bit of pleasure. Like, more than normal. So, I tried it again a few times, different ways, you know-” he blushes a little more at the admission “figured out I liked it. Wasn’t really that surprising to me. Well, the liking it was a surprise but the whole ‘I’m gay’ thing wasn’t. Not really..

So, once I psyched myself up for possible band destruction, I told you guys.”

He smiles softly and Harry can’t help but give him a hug. He remembers the day Louis came out to them. How he was so nervous and quiet compared to usual.

They all took it well, though. Mostly.

Liam was a bit standoffish to Louis for a while but by the end of a week he had come around and everything had fallen back into place like nothing changed.

Harry’s mind runs to the thought of the way Liam acted a few weeks ago and he frowns. Would Liam act the same way to him? Sure, boybands usually have a gay member but how would Liam react to two?

Harry pushes the thought out of his head, not wanting to deal with that right now. Or ever, really.

“What’s brought this on, Haz? You okay in there?” Harry wants to say yes. So badly. But he can’t and he told himself he’d be honest with Louis so he shakes his head. He’s not really sure what all is wrong or even if there actually _is_ anything wrong.

All he knows is he feels shit and Louis is here. So he cuddles into Louis’ neck, breathing in deep and tries to relax before he does something dumb. Like cry.

Louis rearranges them so that he’s laying on his back with Harry squished between him and the back of the couch with his head still smooshed into Louis’ neck.

One hand comes up to pet at Harry’s curls while the other one goes to his back, rubbing in light circles.

“What happened, love? You’re kind of scaring me here.” Harry grips tighter at Louis’ shirt, trying to get his shit together. He didn’t mean to scare Louis. Didn’t mean for anything to happen, really.

He’s not gay. Shouldn’t be bothered by what one stupid, closed-minded girl thinks.

Harry’s just feeling overwhelmed. Yeah.

There’s been a devastating number of failed or disappointing pulls. Between the stress, being called gay like it’s _a bad thing_ and now Louis’ story, Harry is definitely overwhelmed.

“Rough couple of months, I guess.” And, oops. He meant to say weeks. That’s a bit more… relevant. And not near as embarrassing.

“Months? I had no idea, babe. What’s been going on?”

Harry rubs his head against Louis’ chest in a sort of apology. Somehow he just _knows_ Louis is going to make this his fault instead of Harry’s.

 _Harry_ is the one who’s been pulling the wrong girls. _Harry_ is the one who is having a mini gay-freak-out just because one girl called him gay.

He takes a steadying breath and tells himself (again) to just be honest and talk about it. It might even make him feel better.

“Just tough luck with girls, I guess. More bad than good pulls and I just-. It’s gotten to me a bit with all the other crazy shit we’ve been dealing with. Like, I love it, yeah? Wouldn’t change it for the world. But it just sucks when I go out to have a good night and blow off some steam and all it turns into is me feeling even worse. I can’t do anything right. Even pull.”

Louis hums a little in understanding, changing up the patterns on Harry’s back.

“What’s been so bad? You don’t usually seem so upset after they leave. Well-.” he makes a bit of a face and slows his hand in Harry’s hair. “except for that last one. That last one seemed to get to you.”

Harry groans and nudges Louis’ hand with his head, signaling him to continue.

“Can’t seem to find girls that actually like me.”

“What?”

“Yeah, Lou. It’s a pity you aren’t straight.”

“What??”

“Apparently, I’m nearly perfect at picking out girls that like you. I think the last four? Five? Hell, probably six or seven of them, have only slept with me because I’m a ‘decent attempt’ or ‘close enough’ or _whatever_ to you.”

“Haz.” Louis whines “I’m sure that’s not true. You’re wonderful. I’m sure they all liked you just fine.”

Harry snorts at him because, _seriously?_

“Oh, yeah. They like me so much they can’t stand to look at me. They _definitely_ think I’m _just fine_ when they’re yelling out _your name_ while _I’m the one_ fucking their brains out!”

Louis’ eyes are wide in surprise but Harry keeps going. This is simultaneously the best and worst Harry has felt in quite a while. It feels good to finally talk about it but he can tell how bad Louis feels. Which is absurd.

It’s not Louis’ fault Harry can’t do anything right.

“So I decided to try something new, yeah?” Louis nods his head dumbly. “And I find this girl. She’s really nice and apparently into weirder stuff, so I ask her to try something new and she agrees. Except _apparently_ what I want isn’t just weird, it’s _gay_. So she freaks out about it.”

“What do you mean it’s gay? Did you try and pick up a bloke, too, or something?” Poor Louis looks a bit like Harry feels. Confused and a little desperate to understand.

“No, I wanted to try what I asked you about. You know. What you did with Hannah.” Harry whispers the last part, not quite meeting Louis’ eyes.

“And she called you gay for that?”

“Yeah.”

“Bitch.” Harry looks up in surprise. He kind of figured Louis would be more upset _at_ him than _for_ him. “That’s just rude. There’s nothing wrong with liking it or wanting to try something new. You’re better off for not sleeping with her. You didn’t sleep with her, did you?”

Louis looks like he might actually hurt someone if he says yes. Strangely, that makes Harry’s heart swell with pride. God, he loves how protective Louis can be.

“No, I didn’t.” Louis breathes a sigh of relief. “I did manage to get her off before she yelled at me to get out.”

“Always the gentleman, Haz. At least your mother taught you manners.”

“Oh, God.” Harry groans “ _Please_ do not bring up my mother right now.”

Harry starts laughing as Louis tickles him, squirming and moving so much he knocks them off the couch.

Louis groans in pain from the elbow that not so gently jammed into his stomach and rolls over calling “Truce! Truce! I’m dead! Shot down!”

They rearrange so that they’re sitting cross legged in front of each other, faces flushed and still smiling.

“So.” Louis starts “was this your way of telling me something or were you just being nosy and needed to vent?” Harry thinks about it, _really_ thinks about it, so he can makes sure he’s as honest as possible.

“No, I don’t think so. I mean. I definitely needed to vent, so, thanks for that.” Louis smiles in response “But I don’t think I’m gay. I think it was just her. She got in my head and I let it get to me.” Louis frowns a little and quickly adds “Not that there’s anything wrong, mind you. Just. I don’t think that’s me.”

“Haz. You know I can quit talking to you about boys if it bothers you. Really. I don’t want to be putting thoughts in your head. Ruin that innocence of yours.”  He reaches over to fluff Harry’s hair, smiling as he does but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Not like Harry likes.

“Oh, no, Lou! No. I don’t mind, really. You’re not putting thoughts in my head or whatever. No more than I do to you when I talk about girls. Besides, you deserve to be able to talk about boys. And who better than me, yeah?”

Louis tackles Harry into a hug, wrapping his arms tight and breathes into his neck, “Thanks, Hazza. That’s why you’re my favorite.”

***

See, Harry wasn’t lying when he said he wasn’t gay. But he may have stretched it a little bit. In all honesty, he’s a bit curious (cue reasoning for very emotional last few weeks).

So, later that night, Harry has his computer on his lap, headphones in and most reliable porn site open.

He glances at the door again, making sure it’s locked and clicks on the one link he never thought he would; _Categories: Gay._

After scrolling through the first ten pages and nearly giving up, he finally finds one that catches his eye. It’s titled simply _twink takes it._ Classy.

The screen cap shows a younger guy with a nice ass (he doesn’t need to be gay to appreciate a nice ass. No. Bad thoughts. _It’s ok)_ and another guy who’s quite buff. Thankfully, he looks about the same age instead of a lot older like in the other videos he saw that said ‘twinks’.

With one more mental _do it, you idiot_ he clicks on the link and waits.

It starts off simply enough. They’re laying in bed, kissing. _Naked._ Harry looks at the guys’ dicks (hard already, typical) trying to get an objective view. It does nothing for him, really, and he clicks forward a bit in the video to get to something else. He can handle the kissing, that’s fine. Just like two people snogging in a club.

They’ve apparently moved on to the blowjobs and Harry’s jaw drops. The twink has got the entirety of the other guy’s dick in his mouth. His cheeks hollow and Harry can see the outline of a dick. He’s never had a view like this and it’s, _it’s hot_.

His own dick starts to fill a little but he doesn’t touch it. Half amazed by the video and half not wanting to come yet.

By the time the guy who is _not_ the twink is down between the smaller boy’s legs, Harry’s dick is full and leaking a little and it’s not even about the ‘boy’ of it.

It’s the sounds.

The way he’s whimpering and moaning and begging for _more_.

The buff guy starts licking at the twinks hole and okay, that’s a bit weird. Harry can’t stop watching though and he leans a little closer, like he can get a better view.

The camera changes a little and Harry can see the way the guy’s tongue moves in his ass. Sees the spit all over and _oh, that’s what Louis meant._ It kind of reminds him of going down on a girl, even more so when the guy adds his fingers in.

Harry stares in fascination, watching the buff guy open up the smaller one.

At this point, he really can’t tell the difference between this and what he normally does. Aside from the girl part anyhow.

The twink whimpers when the guy pushes his fingers in particularly deep and Harry groans, grabbing ahold of his dick. He starts stroking himself slowly, watching  as the buff guy’s dick just - _disappears-_ into the twink. Like, _fuck_. It goes in so smoothly and Harry moans low in his throat at the thought of how _tight_ that has got to be.

He watches as the guy fucks the twink, matching the flicks of his wrist to the thrusts of the buff guy.

The camera goes up to the twink’s face and _fuck_. _He looks hot_.

He’s biting his lip with his head thrown back, face sweaty and flushed. The camera pans out to show them both and the twink moans loudly and starts coming without so much of a hint of a hand on his dick. His voice breaks and he looks completely destroyed.

Harry moans loudly, dick twitching and he’s coming _hard_ , just barely managing to cover his dick to catch the come and avoid a mess.

The buff guy finishes and Harry is about to wipe his hand off when the buff guy leans forward and starts licking the come off the twink’s chest.

Harry stares at his hand, curiosity getting the best of him and he licks a little bit off his fingers.

It’s not as bad as he expected. Salty and a little bitter, but also a little sweet. He wipes the rest off on a dirty shirt, closing his laptop and setting it over to the side.

Okay.

So.

He just jerked off to gay porn and liked it. Chances are he’s also a little attracted to guys.

No big deal.

***

So, it’s a little bit of a big deal. Not really.

Harry starts watching the guys as well as the girls at the concerts. He’ll find a guy, check him out and then move on.

One thing he notices is that his preferences are still about the same.

When he looks at their face, his eyes are drawn to their lips. If he looks at their body, his eyes are drawn to their hips, their thighs, their ass. Really, he shouldn’t be so surprised.

But having it brought to his attention has him realizing just how non specific his preferences always have been.

Sure, he’s always been able to appreciate boobs but it’s never been a deciding factor for him.

As bad as he feels for it, he even checks out the other boys. Not that he’s ever needed the reassurance but it’s nice to know that there is no attraction to Liam or Niall.

He worries a little bit about Zayn but quickly gets over it (mostly). Harry’s pretty sure that anyone with eyes is a little attracted to Zayn. Probably even Liam and Niall.

Hell, even Louis admitted he thought Zayn was hot one night when he got drunk.

The only one that gets to Harry is Louis. Because of course, _it’s Louis_.

Maybe it’s because he already knows that Louis is gay so he’s automatically more interested. Just the thought of Louis being right there and able to talk to him. If that’s another thing they have in common then that’s just one reason for them to be closer.

Plus, it would be convenient. Like. Louis is _right there_. He _knows_ that Louis would be more capable of helping him figure things out. Maybe try a few things.

But, no. That’s not right. Harry would never use Louis like that.

Never.

He wants to punch himself in the face for just thinking about that.

Harry has always been more interested in Louis. Nothing about that has changed. It’s always been that way. HarryandLouis. LouisandHarry.

Now, though, Harry can appreciate the more physical aspect of Louis. He used to notice that Louis was good looking. That’s never been an issue or a problem.

But now he looks at Louis’ lips and how pink they are and he just wants to kiss them. Feel how they slot between his own.

He notices one day that that Louis’ lips are chapped and kind of rough and he wants to kiss him until his lips are shiny with spit and rough from Harry biting on them, not because of the cold. Harry wordlessly hands Louis his chapstick instead.

After a really good concert, the boys all head back to the bus and mess around for a bit.

Louis gets up to dance, wiggling his hips and shaking his ass, and Harry has to pinch his arm to stop himself from grabbing Louis.

He wants to come up behind him and feel his hands rest on the curve of Louis’ hips. Wants to slide his hands down over Louis’ ass, get a handful and _squeeze._ He imagines himself having Louis’ thighs locked around him in a way he’s never felt before.

Needless to say, Harry makes excuses about being tired and heads off to bed early.

So, it’s kind of a big deal. But really only because it’s Louis.

Harry _knows_ that it would take so much more than a few lustful thoughts and small crushes to destroy their friendship. He _knows_ that. But Harry doesn’t want to put _any_ strain or weirdness between them.

Even an altered friendship would destroy him.

Harry accepts that, with him, it’s got to be all or nothing. So he goes with nothing.

Nothing changing so he can keep Louis exactly as he has him.

And that will be enough.

It’s definitely not a big deal.

***

Harry closes the door to the flat and slumps against it, letting out a sigh of frustration.

They’ve got the next few weeks off and Harry had been planning on using it to his advantage. He told Louis he was going out, not to bother waiting up for him as he would probably be home late.

Louis assured him that all was well, had it under control and might go out for a bit himself.

But now Harry is home early and he’s frustrated. Has no one to blame but himself.

Harry had gone out to a club with the intent of pulling a guy. It was weird and awkward and honestly he was just _stupid_.

He’d gone out to dance a few times and anytime he’d gotten close to a guy, he chickened out and starting dancing with the closest girl. Harry danced with and snogged _so many girls_ it was ridiculous.

Mostly, he just sat at a table, drink in hand and watched people, imagining how nice it would be if he could just pick up his balls and go for what he wanted. Sure he had to be more discreet because of who he is but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to try it.

So he throws himself down on the bed and has a silent pity party.

He only gets a couple of minutes to feel bad for himself before his thoughts are interrupted by a smack on the wall and a moan.

Harry lifts his head out of his pillow, staring at the wall, daring it to make the sound again. How dare it mock him like this.

Sure enough, another moan is heard followed by a pretty clear “fuck”.

Oh. That’s Louis.

Louis is-. Louis is on the other side of his wall getting off.

Harry’s dick starts to take interest despite him telling himself that he shouldn’t get hard listening to his best mate jerk off.

Harry hears another, deeper, voice say something and… Louis responding to it? Is he talking back to porn?

A very distinctive “gonna fuck you, now” that is decidedly _not_ Louis and is too loud to be on the computer sounds through the wall. Harry’s eyes nearly pop out of his head when he hears a “yeah, fuck me” that most definitely _is_ Louis.

He should leave. He should definitely not be here and he should definitely not listen to his best mate have sex.

He stays.

Harry rolls over onto his back and cringes a little when he hears Louis. He sounds a little in pain and Harry wants to go and make this guy stop already. Then he remembers Louis telling him “after the pain, there’s pleasure” and he relaxes.

Harry didn’t realize he meant _every_ time. Or does Louis just not go out enough to be too used to it? He’ll take the second option.

They really don’t waste time getting into it either.

Before too long, Louis (why can he tell it’s Louis? _It’s not fair_ ) is moaning loudly and whimpering, letting out little curses between heavy pants. The headboard starts smacking against the wall and the other guy’s grunts mix in with Louis’ and Louis starts _begging_.

Harry’s hand drifts down to his dick without him even realizing and he jolts, pulling his hand away as soon as he feels contact.

It would be all kinds of inappropriate to actually get off to listening to Louis have sex. It’s also probably all kinds of inappropriate to listen to Louis have sex in the first place, so.  He debates with himself for a few more seconds when Louis makes up his mind for him.

He yells out a “harder!” and his voice cracks, followed by the headboard absolutely _slamming_ into his wall.

Well, fuck.

He wraps a hand around himself and starts pumping himself quickly. If he’s going to do this, he’s going to finish and he’ll be damned if he finishes after them and risks getting caught.

Harry bites his lip to keep any sound from escaping as Louis gets louder.

Louis _screams_ out a “fuck!” and moans loudly in what Harry assumes is him coming.

Harry imagines Louis’ face as he comes; how sweaty and open and _broken_ he would look and Harry _loses_ it.

He bites down on his lip so hard it might break and he comes, coating his hand and his stomach.

Harry lays there, breathing heavy as he listens to them finish. He stays awake long enough to hear the front door shut and Louis walk back to his bedroom before stripping down and rolling over to go to sleep.

***

Harry is quite spectacularly drunk. Like, seriously pissed.

It’s been over twenty four hours now since he listened to Louis have sex and he is not over it.

Hence, the drinking.

He’s been feeling a little off all day (listening to your crush fuck someone else apparently does that to you the next day) and for the most part, Louis has done his best to make him feel better.

They’ve had lots of cuddles and lazy time watching telly but it did very little to soothe Harry’s nerves.

The whole time he was snuggled up to Louis he kept imagining the smell of sex on him (even though Louis came out to breakfast freshly showered) and it made his stomach turn.

He nearly burnt both breakfast _and_ lunch, having to deal with Louis teasing him because “You’re out of it, Haz. What is wrong with you?”.

So they invited the boys over for dinner with the invitation of getting drunk and having a good time. It worked wonders.

Except now it’s Louis and Harry and Harry is really drunk and Louis is not drunk enough.

“I heard you have sex last night.” he blurts out. Oops. He had decided to stay away from _that_. Apparently, his brain didn’t get the memo.

“What?” Louis doesn’t really look mad but he does seem a bit surprised. Probably didn’t even realize Harry was home.

“Yeah. Came home early last night and went to bed. Couldn’t sleep though cause I heard you fucking.” He giggles at the look on Louis’ face. He’s so cute when he blushes.

“Well, sorry. I thought you were out. Didn’t realize I needed your permission anyhow.”

“Was it good? It sounded like it was good.”

“Yes, Harry, it was good. Have you quite finished?” Okay, no playing. Harry should probably shut up now.

“You know what I don’t understand?” Okay, guess not. “I just don’t understand how you could like it. It’s just so.. so.. _weird._ You know?”

Louis pushes Harry off of him so that they’re sitting next to each other instead of tangled together.

“What do you mean, _it’s weird_?”

“I mean, I can’t really figure out why it is that you’d rather have someone shove their dick up your ass instead of just fucking someone. Much better that way.” he slurs and, _christ_ , he knows this is going to bite him on the ass later.

Louis looks furious, like he’s one small step from hitting Harry.

“It doesn’t _matter_ ,” he spits “what you _understand_. It’s not _your preferences_. It’s _mine_.”

Harry tries to get his brain to cooperate so he can do some damage control. That is _not_ how that was supposed to come out.

“No! No no no, Lou! No! I didn’t mean it like that!”

“Then what did you mean?” his voice is hard and defensive in a way that it never is, especially not with Harry.

“I just want to understand. Yeah? Like. I wanna know. It’s something you like and I don’t understand it and I want to. Just, it’s good, yeah? Amazing?” Louis’ face softens and his posture relaxes a little. Good. This is good.

“I can’t really explain it. It just does. I’m sure you couldn’t actually explain it to me what’s so great about sleeping with girls, so.” he trails off. That answer was not helpful at all.

“Show me.”

“What??”

“Then show me. If you can’t explain it to me what it’s like then show me. Show me what I’m missing out on so I can understand.” That. Was definitely not part of the plan. Not that there _was_ a plan but _if_ there was a plan, this would definitely _not_ be a part of it.

“You’re drunk, Haz.” he manages to force out.

“So?”

“You don’t mean what you’re saying and you’ll just regret-.” Harry kisses him.

Definitely not part of the plan. It does work in shutting him up, though.

Harry takes a minute to just _live_ in this moment. Louis’ lips are softer than he imagined but more firm and they taste a bit like beer but it’s amazing. He starts to part his lips, to actually _kiss_ him, when he’s pushed back and left blinking dumbly at Louis.

“What are you doing?”

“I said I wanted you to show me.”

“You’re drunk.”

“So are you.”

“You don’t mean it, Harry. You’re drunk and you’re not even into guys, remember?” he sounds really irritated right now and Harry tries to find a way to make him understand.

He just wants Louis. He wants to be with him and this is a part of that. Harry’s awkward enough on a good day and now the alcohol is making him dumb.

“I’m curious, Lou. I want you to show me. I want to know what it’s like.” he leans forward a little to kiss Louis again and whispers “I want _you_.” Louis pushes him away again and Harry’s throat goes tight.

“I’m not going to be your drunken experiment, Harry.” His jaw is set tight and he’s got his arms crossed over his chest, defensive again. This definitely isn’t going the way Harry hoped.

“You don’t want me?” The words feel foreign in Harry’s mouth. He’s never really been denied anything by Louis before and now that he is, _it sucks._

“It’s not a matter of want, Harry. You’re drunk.” _God_ , how many times is he going to say that?

“Don’t care. Please. C’mon, Lou.” he whines, scooting closer to Louis “I just want to know.”

“No, Harry. I’m not sleeping with you.” he scoots back more on the couch, farther away from Harry, “I don’t want to sleep with you if you’re drunk. End of discussion.”

Okay, that hurts. Louis doesn’t want him. He feels tears start to form in his eyes but he won’t cry. So he gets angry instead.

“Oh, I see. Yeah. All your fucks have to be sober. No? So it’s just me then? You’ll bring home anyone to fuck you just so long as it isn’t me?” There’s a loud smack and the left side of Harry’s face burns.

He brings his hand up to his face, gaping at a very pissed off Louis Tomlinson. Louis just slapped him.

“Fuck off, Harry. You don’t get to talk to me like that.”

“I’m sor-.”

“No! I am _not_ some kind of slut. And you obviously don’t know me very well if you think I am, so. Honestly. Just _fuck off._ ” He gets up off the couch and heads to his room, Harry scrambling to go after him.

“Lou, please! I’m sorry!”

Louis runs a hand over his face and sighs “No more tonight, Harry. I’m tired. Just go to bed.”

In one last attempt to get Louis to forgive him (or at least not be mad) Harry blurts out “can I sleep with you?”.

Which, judging by the look on Louis’ face, was not the right thing to say. Oops.

“No, I mean _sleep_. Please? I’ll be good. I’ll even leave my clothes on!” he adds in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“No, Harry.”

“Please?”

Louis slams the bedroom door in his face, the lock sliding into place with an audible _click_.

“Just fuck off, Harry.”

Harry walks over to his bedroom, tears running down his face the whole way.

He just fucked everything up.

This is the exact reason he didn’t want to say anything. Yeah. He could’ve (should’ve) done a lot of things different. Said something different. But the result is still the same.

Louis doesn’t want him.

And told him to fuck off.

Harry may have single handedly destroyed the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

He tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Louis telling him to fuck off plays over and over in his mind.

Exhaustion finally takes over hours later, a mantra of _fuck off_ and _I don’t want you_ playing on repeat like a twisted lullaby.

***

Harry is a massive idiot.

He’s tried over and over again to apologize to Louis.

For the first day, Louis ignores him. Refuses to speak to him.

Any and all attempts to get Louis to respond to him have failed.

Louis grabs his food, eats it then throws away whatever crumbs are left and washes up. He even does his laundry without so much as a complaint or a glance Harry’s way.

The only reaction Harry gets is when he pleads with Louis for nearly an hour while they watch the telly. Louis has been on his phone the whole time, ignoring Harry, when he finally huffs in irritation and goes to his room, locking his door behind him for good measure.

The next day, Louis finally talks to him. Harry has been constantly apologizing and Louis finally responds.

“It’s fine, Harry. I’d just rather not talk to you right now.”

Harry’s heart breaks but he understands. He wouldn’t want to talk to himself either if the situations were reversed.

“I think I’m going to go stay with one of the lads for a while.” Harry nods his head, unable to speak as he watches Louis go into his room to pack an overnight bag.

Just as Louis is at the front door slipping on his shoes, Harry manages to croak out, “Love you, Lou.”

Louis pauses what he’s doing and looks back at Harry. For a moment, Harry thinks he’ll say it back. Instead, he smiles sadly, barely turning up the corners of his lips, grabs his keys and leaves.

Harry stares at the door for a solid fifteen minutes before getting up and going to bed. It’s not even nine yet but Harry is exhausted and this is by far the worst day ever.

He crawls into Louis’ bed and lays with his head shoved in the pillow. Maybe if he tries hard enough he can imagine Louis laying here next to him.

***

Niall is the first to bring it up.

“Oi, where’s Louis at? Thought he’d be all over this by now.” he gestures to the half empty plate in his lap, wiping his hand off on his jeans.

“He stayed at Zayn’s last night. Hasn’t made it home yet.” Harry hopes he’s right. All Louis said was that he was staying with one of the lads. He didn’t say which but it obviously wasn’t Niall and Harry doubts Louis would go to Liam. That would open Louis up for quite a few questions and Harry’s pretty sure none of them are ones Louis would want to answer.

“Oh, did you guys get in a fight or something?” Harry’s face falls. Is it really that obvious?

“Don’t worry bout it, Nialler. It’ll be alright.”

“Whatever you say. You fuckers better not ruin this shit for me, I’ve actually gotten to like you twats.” Harry tries to smile but it falls flat.

He knows Niall isn’t talking about them together or even as a band. He’s talking about the friendship (family) that they all have.

It seems like Harry’s not the only one who has notice that it’s One Direction: Liam, Niall, Zayn, HarryandLouis.

Louis doesn’t come home that night either. There is absolutely not a hint of him being anywhere and Harry is worried. He doesn’t say anything, though, just takes it in stride and hopes Louis will come home soon.

***

Harry spends the next day obsessively cleaning.

He puts fresh sheets on Louis’ bed and does what laundry he can find around the flat. After he cleans the kitchen and the living room is spotless, he invites Liam over for lunch.

Harry is going crazy and needs to talk to someone. Since Louis is not talking to him, Liam will have to do.

He’s just about done with making lunch when Zayn texts him.

_love louis mate but whys he here w me?_

_just wanted to see you i guess x_

_bullshit_

_we had a fight. everything ok? x_

_sending him home tonight. fix it_

Harry sighs and sets down his phone. At least Louis is coming home tonight. Harry’s not quite sure how to _fix it_ though.

There’s a knock at the door and Liam comes in. They’re eating in silence, watching some ridiculous soap on the telly when Liam asks, “So, what’s up with you and Lou?” Apparently he _is_ that obvious.

“Why? Is something wrong?” He knows he’s playing dumb but he’s curious what Liam knows. Liam sets down his plate and levels Harry with a look that makes him feel about two years old.

“You tell me. I got a text from Niall saying you guys got in a fight and I know for a fact Louis has been staying with Zayn.” Harry sighs and puts down his own plate.

“I said something really stupid and now he’s mad at me.”

“Must’ve been pretty bad if he’s been staying with Zayn.”

“Yeah.” Harry starts fiddling with his hands, not quite sure if he should tell Liam.

“Well, what’d you say?” Harry hesitates. Should he tell him? If he does, he’ll have to explain _why_ he said that and that’s a whole different conversation. But. Maybe he should.

Liam usually knows what to say and it’s bound to come out at some point. The whole not being straight thing. And Liam is probably going to be the one with the most issue with it.

“This stays between us, yeah? Not even the other lads?” _Not even Louis_. Liam obviously gets it after a second and nods his head.

“Yeah, just us.”

“I may have called him a slut. Ow!” Liam just smacked him across the head!

“Why the hell would you do that?”

“I was drunk! Ow! Stop hitting me!” Liam thunks him over the head one more time for good measure.

“Seriously, Harry, why would you say that to him?”

“I was drunk and upset. He said something I didn’t like and I told him he was a slut.”

“What could he have possibly said that was so bad you’d turn around and say that?”

“He said he wouldn’t sleep with me.” he mumbles.

“Well that’s just dumb. He sleeps with you all the time.”

“No.” Harry hesitates. He takes a deep breath and goes for it. “He said he wouldn’t have sex with me.”

“Oh.” There’s a moment of silence, Liam figuring out what he wants to say. “You want to have sex with Louis? I didn’t even know you were gay.”

Harry groans. “I’m not. I’m… bisexual.” It feels weird to say but it feels good. “And I don’t want to just have sex with Louis. I want to.. be? With Louis?”

“Are you asking or telling me?” Harry sighs.

“Telling. I’m telling you I want to be with Louis.”

“Okay. Does Louis know?”

“No, he thinks I’m straight. Kept telling me I was drunk and didn’t mean what I was saying. Said I didn’t want to and that he wouldn’t sleep with me so I.. you know. Said what I said.”

“What _exactly_ did you say, Haz?”

“I told him he’d rather let any random guy fuck him as long as it wasn’t me.” Liam starts to raise his hand again and he flinches. “Please don’t hit me again. Louis already slapped me.”

“Good.” Harry breathes out long and slow, trying to get his heart back under control.

“And now he won’t even talk to me.” Harry starts crying and Liam pulls him into his chest, hugging him tight.

“You’re a complete idiot, Harry.”

Harry sniffles and hangs on tighter, “I know.”

“Just talk to him, yeah? Whenever he’s ready to talk to you again, just talk to him. I’m sure he’ll understand if you explain.”

“What if he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore? We’ve never fought like this, Liam. I don’t know what I’d do if he decided we couldn’t be friends anymore.” Harry is absolutely hysterical by the time he finishes. Everything he just said is all of his greatest fears.

He doesn’t know what he’d do without Louis. So much of their time together has been just the two of them and at this point, losing Louis would be worse than losing their fame or even the other boys, as bad as that is.

“He’s not going to decide you can’t be friends just because you were being a dick. And if he doesn’t want to talk, give him a few days then make him listen. You guys can’t keep going on like this. No offense, mate, but you look shit.”

Harry laughs a little, feeling slightly better at how sure Liam seems and the cry he just had.

He eyes Liam’s shirt where it’s wet and Liam shrugs his shoulder, choosing not to comment on it.

“You really think he’ll forgive me?”

“Sure. Just give him a little bit of time to calm down.”

There is something else Harry wanted to ask Liam and it’s kind of dumb now, all things considered, but Harry wants a direct answer.

“So, you don’t have any problems with Louis being gay? Or me? Not being straight?”

Liam’s mouth drops open in surprise. “No, of course not. Why would you think that?”

“Well, a while ago, when Louis was talking about boys you seemed.. uncomfortable with it.”

Realization dawns on Liam and he shifts a bit, frowning. “That was. I just-. I don’t have a problem with it. I don’t.” Kinda sounds like he does. “I was surprised. And it was a little weird but I realized I was being an ass about it. I _know_ it’s not any different but I was mostly just caught off guard cause he never really talked like that before. To be fair, I don’t really like it when you guys talk girls either.” He pauses a moment to catch his breath. “It’s just. I don’t have the image of that happening to me when you guys are talking. Well, I do, but at least it’s a good image to me.”

“You realize that’s shit, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Liam hugs Harry again and picks up his plate, finishing lunch in silence.

He stays for another couple of hours, keeping Harry distracted anytime his mind wanders and offering hugs at all the right times.

***

Louis comes home just in time for dinner.

He goes to his room to drop off his bag and comes back over to where Harry is splitting up the food, mumbling a “thanks” and heading to the couch.

Harry blinks a couple of times in surprise and smiles so wide his mouth hurts. It’s not much but at least Louis is talking to him. He allows a small flare of hope and heads into the living room, ready to face what will surely be one of the most awkward meals ever with Louis.

After, when Harry is cleaning up, Louis comes up behind him and gives him a small hug.

“I’m still mad at you.”

Harry turns around and pulls Louis tightly to his chest. “I know, I’m still mad at me, too.”

Louis chuckles against his chest and _honestly_ Harry could fly he’s so happy. “Fuck, Lou. I’m sorry. I am so _so_ sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“I know you didn’t, Haz.” The way he says it makes Harry think of Louis telling him he didn’t mean what he said cause he was drunk. That’s probably something Harry should explain.

He just got Louis back, though, and he doesn’t want to lose him again so soon. So Harry just holds him for a little longer before letting him go and they head off to bed.

***

Things get better, mostly.

Harry and Louis fall back into a routine and it’s nice but there’s a distinct lack of contact that is in no way Harry’s fault.  They still hug more than necessary, lounge on the couch with their legs pressed together and Louis still pets at Harry’s hair when he’s bored. But that’s about it.

There’s no more cuddles or laying on top of each other or sharing seats when the boys come over. As it turns out, Louis _does_ actually have a sense of personal space when it comes to Harry.

He also spends the days after coming home being, well, mean is probably the best way to put it. He honestly picks on Harry and does a lot of stuff that Louis _knows_ will piss him off. He knows he’s doing it, too, the look on his face saying more than words ever could. _I’m still mad at you._

Harry refuses to get in another fight, though, so he takes it grinning and hopes it all blows over soon.

***

“Hey, Haz.” Louis walks into the living room with a cup of tea and sits next to Harry. They sit in silence, enjoying the lazy Saturday morning when Louis drops a bomb on him. “Might pull tonight. You gonna go out or will you be here?”

That’s.. new. Louis has never brought someone back _knowing_ that Harry will be there, let alone ask. He’s pretty sure Louis is only asking now to make a point. _I don’t want you._ Well, Harry is not going to make it easy. _I’m still mad at you._

“Yeah. I’ll be here. Don’t really have any plans.” He smiles sweetly and Louis frowns.

“Alright, then. I think I’m going to go over to Zayn’s for the day. Won’t be back too late, probably pretty early, if I’m honest. Don’t feel like a late night.”

“Alright.” Fifteen minutes later and Louis is gone.

***

So Harry spends his day trying to keep as busy as possible.

He goes for lunch with Nick and spends the rest of the time cleaning and watching movies while surfing the internet. He takes a break from scrolling through Twitter to call his mum and make some food.

By the time Louis comes home it’s nearly half eleven and Harry is about ready to give up on waiting for Louis and go lay down.

He hears voices outside and the key in the lock and Harry mentally braces himself. He’s very aware that what he’s about to do will end with a fight and a very pissed off Louis. While neither of those are things he wants, he decided earlier that he wants Louis to hook up with some random guy even less. So he waits for them to come in, gathering all the courage he has and hoping his plan will work.

The lock clicks and they stumble in, the guy pushing Louis against the door and kissing him as soon as it’s shut. Watching Louis snog someone is weird, Harry decides. The only person Harry has seen Louis kiss was Hannah and that was definitely nothing like this.

He lets them continue for a minute before clearing his throat.

“Hey, guys.” Louis rolls his eyes and the guy mumbles out an awkward, “hey”.

“How’s it going?”

“Just ignore him. Let’s go to my room, yeah?” The guy gives Harry a weird look as Louis drags him off to his room. Harry takes a deep breath and gets up from the couch, wondering just how well this guy is going to be at ‘ignoring him’.

He walks to Louis’ door and leans against the frame. He can’t really tell but it sounds like they’re close to the door. Good. It’ll make it easier for them to hear.

“Hey, Lou. Mum called today. Wanted to know how everything was going.” He hears some shuffling and Louis telling the guy to ignore him again.

“She’s talking about Christmas already. Wanting to get our families together. Gemma’s got a new boyfriend. Said she might bring him round.”

Harry hears either a groan or a moan from the guy, probably both. Louis mutters a quick “just a sec” and opens the door. His face is flushed with anger and his pupils are nearly fully blown.

“That’s wonderful, Harry. Mind fucking off for a bit?” Harry bites his lip to keep from laughing.

“Yeah, sure. No problem.”

Louis slams the door in his face and tells the guy sorry. Harry waits until he hears them get back at it to start talking again.

“Talked to your mum, too. She’s doing well.”

“God damn it, Harry. Fuck off!” Harry does laugh a little at that. The guy, however, doesn’t seem to find it so funny.

“Mate, I don’t know what this is but I’m not going to get into some weird thing with you and your boyfriend.” Harry waits patiently for the rejection, steeling himself for the inevitable hurt.

“Not my boyfriend. He’s just being a twat.” Yup. Still hurts. “Just let me blow you and you can go, yeah?”

There’s a pause where Harry thinks he might say no and leave but he says “yeah” and there’s a thunk like Louis dropped to his knees and a belt buckle being undone.

Harry considers leaving but if he let them be now, they might take advantage of his absence and fuck. And, well, Harry doesn’t want that to happen.

The guy moans long and loud and lets out a breathless “fuck” so Harry picks the next best thing to kill the mood.

“Your mum said Daisy’s having issues in school. Says the teacher is being a total twat and giving her a hard time. I guess she didn’t understand something and the teacher made her feel shit about it instead of helping her.”

The guy groans and Harry hears him say,“It’s a good thing you’re so good at this. Weirdest shit ever.” He breaks off in another moan and breathes so heavy Harry can hear him through the door. Wow. Louis must really be doing a number on him.

Probably trying to hurry so he doesn’t have to hear about his sisters with a dick in his mouth. Christ is he going to be pissed.

“Phoebe’s found someone she likes. Man, I can’t believe she’s old enough to start liking people.”

It really is a good thing Harry is already thinking about Louis’ sisters. If he wasn’t, he’d probably be hard by now because _Jesus Christ_ this guy sounds like he’s having the time of his life. The fact that it’s Louis doing it _does something_ to Harry and despite how jealous he is, he’s also kind of proud. And curious.

Harry keeps on about Louis’ sisters, going through and talking about something to do with each one of them, even though Louis probably already knows, until the guy _finally_ finishes. If nothing else, he’s got stamina.

There’s some shuffling around and the door is thrown open, the guy bumping Harry out of the way as he goes. Harry regains his balance and turns to find a very pissed off Louis.

His hair is messed up and his lips are swollen, puffy and red from being abused. They’re shiny with spit and possibly more and he looks ready to kill.

Harry has never seen him more beautiful.

“Are you happy now?” he growls. His voice is rough and scratchy because _holy shit, Louis just sucked that dude’s dick._ Fuck, he sounds hot.

“Yup. Night, Lou!” Harry smiles as big as he can and runs to his room, locking the door behind him so Louis can’t murder him in his sleep.

***

Harry expects Louis to ignore him again. It sucks, but Harry accepted that it would happen when he first decided to ruin Louis’ hook up. To say that he is surprised when Louis willingly comes over to sit next to him on the couch the next day is an understatement.

“Are we going to talk about it, then?” Harry startles a little, not having expected Louis to come to him.

Well, he was expecting it, but he was expecting yelling and anger, not.. whatever this is.

“Talk about what?” He needs a moment. He really should have been more prepared for this.

“You know what, Haz. You cock blocking me last night. And then smiling and running off like a two year old. What was that all about?” he sounds tired, like this isn’t a conversation he wants to have. Harry can relate.

“I don’t know. I just did, sorry.” He keeps his eyes low, focused on the table in front of him, not wanting to look up and see the disappointment on Louis’ face.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Why?” God, he is so stupid. _Why_ couldn’t he just leave well enough alone?

“I, uh-.”

“You were fine with it before I left. I even told you so you could leave if you were uncomfortable.” He turns and faces Harry, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Sorry, Lou. I guess I didn’t like-.”

“Like what? The fact that for two seconds someone other than you had my attention?” Harry feels like he’s been slapped, he knows Louis knows how clingy he is but Harry never thought Louis would throw it back in his face. He tries to defend himself but Louis keeps on.

“Is it because it was a guy? Did you not want to have to listen to a couple of _guys_ getting off? Ruin that precious innocence of yours? No, that can’t be it. You’ve listened to me fuck someone before.” Louis is working himself up, voice raising, and _this_ is what Harry was expecting.

He was expecting yelling and from the sounds of it, Louis has been holding this in for a while. So, despite how ridiculous his reasoning is, Harry lets Louis yell for a little longer.

“Hell, for that, is it because I’m gay? Do you have a problem with me being gay, Harry? Because we’ve _never_ fought. And ever since I started talking to you about guys and being open with you about being.. being _gay_ -” he spits it out like a bad thing “we’ve been fighting. And you’re always okay until I start showing interest in guys and then you just get _weird._ I feel like that’s something you maybe should’ve thought of _before_ you decided to be my best friend.” His breathing is a little heavy and Harry honestly feels like shit.

It breaks his heart that Louis would think so low of him. To think that Harry has an issue with such a fundamental part of who Louis is. If he could take back last night, he probably would. It was childish and completely uncalled for and Harry is honestly a little ashamed of himself.

“Yes.”

“What?” Louis looks like he’s going to cry and Harry’s a little confused for a second before he remembers the actual last question. Shit.

“I mean, no. I don’t have a problem with you being gay. That.. no. Just, no, Louis. I don’t care that you’re gay. It’s a part of you and I love you, so. That’s not a problem.” The relief on Louis’ face is both heartbreaking and reassuring. Honestly, Harry can’t believe Louis thought he was that kind of person.

“I mean, yes. It was because I didn’t want to listen to you fuck that guy and yes.” Harry swallows. He’s pretty sure Louis won’t understand but Harry might actually break if he keeps hiding it from Louis. “It was because I didn’t like someone other than me having your attention.”

He looks up to see Louis’ mouth popped slightly open, anger set in his eyes.

“You’re such a child. I pay attention to you all the time, honestly, _all the time_ and you can’t even handle me enjoying myself for one night?”

“No, Louis. I-”

“How would you feel? If every time you brought home a girl, I stood at your door and talked to you about _your fucking mother._ ”

“No, Louis. Please, let me explain.”

“And my _sisters. Jesus Christ_ , Harry. What the actual fuck was with _that_?”

“Just shut up, already!” Louis lets out a snort, obviously thinking Harry is crazy. Before Louis can start talking again or he can think too much on it, Harry all but throws himself on top of Louis and kisses him. He’s not going to be getting anywhere with words and this is a little harder to misunderstand. Louis makes an oomph in surprise as he falls back, leaning awkwardly on the arm of the couch.

Harry doesn’t press for more this time, just stays with his lips on Louis’ waiting for the moment he gets pushed away. Louis’ hands come up to rest on Harry’s hips and for a second, one blissful second, Harry thinks Louis is going to kiss him back. Is going to actually give him what he wants. But then his fingers dig in and he’s pushing Harry off of him.

Harry very nearly whines but he manages to keep it in and keeps his face from showing any fear. Louis studies him for a moment and his mouth opens and closes a few times like he just can’t decide what to say.

“Haz?”

For some reason, the first thing that comes to Harry’s mind to say is, “I’m not drunk.”

Louis laughs a little awkwardly but he hasn’t yelled yet so Harry counts it as a win. “No, I know that. Why? I thought you didn’t like kissing boys?”

Harry blushes a little. “Kind of hard to not like kissing boys when I’ve never done it.”

“You know what I mean, Haz. Is this-? Are you-?” He doesn’t finish but he doesn’t need to. Harry is very aware of what he’s asking. His tone is gentle now, free of all the malice and anger that was there before. Why Louis is choosing to focus on _this_ aspect of this kiss, he’ll never know. But it’s a nice stepping stone to the _other_ part of the kiss so Harry goes with it.

“I’m, uh. Bisexual.” He rubs his palms on his sweats a few times, wiping off the sweat and trying not to focus on how nervous he is.

“Since when? You’ve never said.” Louis sounds hurt and he feels like shit. He really should have told him sooner.

“Uh. I think I figured it out a little after I asked you. About knowing you were gay, I mean.”

Louis smiles softly at him and brings him in for a hug. Louis shifts them so that they’re laying on the couch, his hands coming up to run through Harry’s hair and Harry relaxes against him, content to let Louis pet at him.

He’s also kind of waiting for the freak out. He did kiss Louis. So either Louis is really dense (Harry’s beginning to suspect that’s likely) or he’s just not choosing to acknowledge it in favor of Harry coming out to him.

“So. When you were drunk. That was you-. Your first time kissing a boy?” Harry nods against Louis’ chest and he chuckles. “Well, glad I could do something for you.”

Yeah, reject him. Make him feel like he wasn’t worth much. Like he was worth less than a drunken shag.

“Why didn’t you tell me then?” Harry shrugs.

“Tried to. Alcohol made me stupid and my brain wouldn’t work right. I thought you’d get it when I kissed you.” His face flames at the memory. The rejection.

“All I got was you were drunk. You kept going on about being curious and I know how weird straight boys can get after being ‘gay drunk’. Didn’t realize you were actually trying to figure shit out. I just didn’t want to take advantage of you and you get mad at me, you know?”

That means a lot to Harry. It makes it sound a lot less personal and a lot more like Louis was actually doing him a favor. He’s wrong about a couple things though.

“I wasn’t trying to figure shit out. I already had at that point. And I’ve told you I was curious before when I was sober. When we were at the club dancing? The first time you talked to me about a guy.” He waits till Louis gets when he’s talking about then continues. “I told you then I was curious about what was so good about being with a guy.”

“I thought you were just humoring me.”

“Nope. I was gathering intel.” He makes a funny face and waggles his eyebrows causing Louis to laugh.

How did they get here? One minute they’re arguing and the next they’re laying cuddled on the couch. If Harry really wanted to, he could lean forward a couple of inches and kiss Louis. He really wants to. But he doesn’t because they haven’t reached that part of the conversation yet and Harry’s not quite sure if they’re going to at the rate they’re going.

Louis isn’t mad at him. Well, right now. Harry told Louis he was bi and Louis was a little hurt, but he wasn’t mad. And he’s not mad that Harry kissed him. Twice. Or, he doesn’t seem mad anyway.

Maybe their friendship really could handle it. He’s been having more doubts about that lately but right now, Harry doesn’t have any. He knows that Louis would still be his friend and for whatever reason, right now, Harry has hope. He has absolutely nothing to base it on other than Louis not immediately freaking out about Harry possibly liking him when he told him he was bi. And kissed him.

“The alcohol did give me courage, though.”

“What for, Haz? Didn’t think you’d need help with that.” He smiles and rubs at Harry’s side, an automatic response to Harry saying he was anything less than confident.

“To kiss you.” The smile falls off Louis’ face and he raises an eyebrow at Harry, clearly not believing him. Harry’s heart stutters and his throat feels tight. He will not cry, damn it.

“You want to kiss me? Like, proper want to kiss me?” Harry nods his head, willing himself to not break eye contact. He’s so determined, in fact, that he nearly goes cross eyed looking at Louis before he realizes that Louis is moving closer to him.

He blinks and refocuses to find Louis right in front of him. His eyes are searching Harry’s for any doubts and Harry feels a bit like dying. Their noses brush and Harry can feel Louis’ lips just barely brush his as he asks “you sure?”

Harry wants to just close the distance between them, it really wouldn’t take much, but he wants Louis to kiss him. He wants Louis to be the one taking the leap this time. Harry’s already put himself out there several times and he wants Louis to do it just this once.

“Really sure.”

Louis leans forward, pressing his lips against Harry’s and Harry feels like his heart is about to beat out of his chest. He wills it to calm down before it races away but it just won’t listen and he’s so happy. This is everything he’s been wanting for the last several weeks, nearly months and Harry kind of doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Louis shifts a little on the couch and slides his leg between Harry’s, a position they’ve ended up in many times before, and wraps his arm fully around Harry’s waist to bring him closer.

Louis’ lips start to move against his and he’s brought out of his peaceful little headspace. They lay there, not worrying about a whole lot of anything aside from their lips moving against each other. Gentle glides of skin on skin, sharing their breath and holding onto each other; Louis’ arm locked tight around his waist and Harry’s hand coming up to cup Louis’ jaw, rubbing his thumb over his cheek.

Harry sucks a little on Louis’ bottom lip, loving the way it feels plump and smooth. Louis lets out a small moan, stopping it before it can really leave his throat and Harry nips at his lip. They pull back and rest their foreheads together, laughing at the ridiculousness and surrealness of the situation.

“So. That was good.” Harry breathes, voice laced with disbelief.

“Really good.” Louis smirks at him and raises his eyebrows. Harry smacks his arm and leans forward to kiss him again.

“So, Harry. Got anything to tell me? I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve had a heart to heart.” Louis smiles at him and brushes their noses together in an Eskimo kiss.

“You may have made me realize I like boys and kind of want you to be my boyfriend?” Harry tries not to sound so unsure but he can’t help it. Louis kissed him, yeah, but he didn’t say anything about _boyfriends._

“Boyfriend? Really?” It’s not mocking or unkind in anyway, just curious. Harry nods his head, feeling his cheeks start to burn a little in embarrassment.

“I’d love to, Haz.” Harry’s eyes snap up and he starts to respond but Louis cuts him off.

He leans forward and slides their lips together, moving them almost as soon as they touch. His lips are soft and sure like Louis knows exactly what he wants. Harry moans as Louis’ hand comes up to slide in his hair, tilting his head a little and slipping his tongue out to run across his bottom lip. Harry’s mouth falls open and Louis licks into it, his tongue going straight for Harry’s.

Louis tastes like tea and toothpaste and Harry really shouldn’t find it so sexy but he does and his dick starts to fill from the feel of Louis. He’s everywhere. Harry can feel their bodies pressed completely against each other, lined from shoulder to toe; can feel the way Louis is exploring his mouth, not leaving a spot untouched. Louis is all Harry can see, smell, _hear_ ; his breath heavy and small little noises of pleasure slipping out.

Louis moves them so Harry lays on his back and lays between his legs, resting on his arms so he doesn’t squish him. They break apart to breathe and Louis rests their foreheads together. “You okay? Not too much?”

Harry’s eyes open, his vision a little wonky and he feels a bit lightheaded from the lack of oxygen. He expects to see blue starting back at him but nearly loses his breath and his dick twitches at how dark and hungry Louis’ eyes are.

“Fuck yes.” He’s a bit breathless and any other time he’d be embarrassed but all he can manage to feel now is turned on.

Louis moves his hips a little, giving Harry some much needed friction on his cock. He’s a little confused at first when he feels something hard against him but then he realizes it’s Louis.

 _Louis_ is hard and his dick is on top of Harry’s, separated only by a couple of layers of clothing. It’s weird and for a second Harry gets the urge to push him off but then Louis moves his hips again and Harry puts his hands on his hips instead, slipping his fingers under Louis’ shirt and running his hands up and down Louis’ back.

Louis breathes out a small sigh, smiling as Harry strokes his skin. His fingers play at the hem of Louis’ shirt and he pulls it up and over his head. Before the shirt can even hit the ground, Harry’s hands are back on him, running up and down, over his chest and stomach. Harry’s hands still at Louis’ ribs, bringing his thumbs up to brush over his nipples. They harden under the attention and Louis gasps, coming down to kiss Harry again.

“You’re killing me, Haz. Make it fair.” Louis grabs his shirt and pulls it off, connecting their lips again.

They’ve laid together naked before but it pales in comparison to this. This is new and means so much more; the feeling of Louis against him, knowing that he’s allowed to touch, _to appreciate,_ fills Harry with want.

Louis breaks their kiss, moving to Harry’s neck and sucks on his skin where his jaw meets his throat. Hands come up to pinch his nipples and Harry moans, the pain turning to pleasure and going straight to his cock.

His hips buck up against Louis, the friction nearly putting spots in his eyes at how good it feels.

Apparently, that did something for Louis because he breaks away from his assault on Harry’s neck and moans, the hot air of his breath sending shivers down Harry’s spine. Louis starts rolling his hips and suddenly Harry can imagine a few less layers and Louis moving the way he is, fucking into Harry. He wants that so bad.

“Lou.” His voice is rough, feeling like it’s been forever since he’s used it. Louis slows his hips to a near stop and lifts up to look at Harry.

His hair is damp where he’s started to sweat and his lips are swollen and puffy again. This time, though, it’s because of Harry. A warm feeling spreads through his chest at the thought. Louis may not be sucking his dick but he still looks wrecked and beautiful and it’s because of Harry.

“Hey, babe?” Harry tilts his head in question, blushing a bit at the name. “Can I-? Will you like, freak out, if I blow you right now? Or should we wait more for that?”

“No. At least, I don’t think so. Might even like it.” Louis ignores his attempt at a joke and kisses him, quick and chaste.

“Just tell me if you want me to stop, okay?”

“Okay.” He’s not sure he’ll want Louis to stop, especially not after last night. Hearing what Louis did to that guy, reduced him to nothing but moans and heavy breaths, Harry wants that to be him.

Louis’ hand moves down to rest on top of Harry’s dick as his mouth finds a nipple, licking and sucking, scraping it with the sharp of Louis’ teeth. His hand starts to move against Harry’s dick as he kisses down his chest, pausing at his hip to suck in a bruise as his fingers slip into the waistband of his sweats.

Harry’s breath comes out short and hard because _holy fuck, Louis is about to blow him._ He leans up on his elbows so he can watch Louis slides his sweats down, groaning at how his cock slaps onto his skin, flushed and wet at the tip.

Louis kisses the base of his dick and licks flat along the vein on the underside. Harry’s head falls back as he moans, cock sensitive from being ignored for so long.

Louis sucks on the head, dipping his tongue into his slit to get the precome that’s gathered there before sliding down about halfway and wrapping his hand around the rest.

He starts moving slowly, hand and mouth working together and Harry feels like he’s on fire. It’s  been so long since he’s had anything other than his hand he’d almost forgotten how amazing it was to have something warm and wet around his dick.

Harry’s hips buck up when Louis hollows his cheeks and sucks. He’s about to apologize except Louis doesn’t seem to notice; if anything, he slides down further to meet Harry. His hand comes up run through Louis’ hair, scratching a little with his nails.

Louis hums in appreciation causing another involuntary buck of his hips. He definitely doesn’t feel bad about it this time because Louis takes his hand off Harry and slides down all the way, taking Harry until his nose is buried in the small bit of hair at the base.

“Oh, fuck.” Harry breathes “Jesus, fuck. Lou. _Louis._ ” he tugs on Louis’ hair, trying to pull him off before he can come but all Louis does is speed up, continuing to take him all the way down.

“Fuck, Lou. I’m gonna come. Fuck!” Louis hums again and Harry comes, shooting what has to be a massive load down Louis’ throat. He stills finally, swallowing every bit of it and pulling Harry’s sweats back up when he’s done.

Louis kisses him again and Harry shoves his tongue in Louis mouth with barely a second thought. It’s weird to taste his own come, especially having it mixed with the taste of Louis, but he ignores it and reaches down into Louis’ sweats and wraps his hand around his dick.

He quickly spreads  the wetness from his tip down and starts jerking him off. It’s probably too fast and a little too rough but he doesn’t care because Louis is above him panting and moaning and _Louis just blew him._

“Fuck, Louis. That was amazing. Can’t believe how amazing you are.” Louis tries to respond but he whimpers out a “close” instead. The angle is awkward and Harry’s wrist is starting to hurt but he’s not stopping. Not while this beautiful boy is coming undone above him.

A few strokes later and Louis coats Harry’s hand. He smashes their lips together again, fucking into Harry’s fist to ride it out.

They lay there for a minute, catching their breaths and Louis reaches over to grab his shirt and wipe off Harry’s hand.

“Sleep, Haz?” His voice is rough and scratchy again and Harry loves it.

“Will you still be here when I wake up?” He’s really just terrified this is all some sort of dream.

“Of course, babe. Not going anywhere.” Good. Harry kisses him again and falls asleep with a smile on his face and Louis in his arms.

***

Harry wakes up to a dead arm and something wet on his chest. He groans a bit and wipes the sleep from his eyes as he turns on his side, dislodging the boy from on top of him.

Hes a little confused why they’re on the couch but then he remembers and his heart stutters. He looks over at Louis who is rubbing at his eyes and yawning.

“So, did that happen or was it just a really good dream?” Louis’ voice is a bit deeper and raspier than his normal sleepy voice. _Fuck._ Harry did that to him.

He leans forward to give Louis a kiss, earning a hum in approval and he strokes Harry’s hip.

“Guess it did. Still happy bout it, then?”

Harry laughs and kisses him again. “Very.”

“Alright, so what do we do now?”

“Hmm. We could snog a bit more.” Harry tries to do just that  but Louis smacks his chest and laughs at him.

“In a minute. What about the boys. Do we tell them?” Harry pouts at being denied the kisses he wants _now_ , thank you very much.

“Of course we do. Well.. as long as you want to?” he questions, not wanting to fuck this up before it can start.

“Yeah. I think we should. I don’t think Niall or Zayn will mind. Do you think Liam will?” Harry smiles at that, if a little sadly. Seems like Louis was thinking the same thing as Harry, which, really shouldn’t be that surprising.

“No, he won’t mind. I may have already told him I liked you.”

Louis scoffs. “Fucking Liam. Keeping very important information from me.” He smiles though, happiness shining through despite how harsh his words were.

“Asked him not to tell anyone. Good to know he didn’t.”

“So the others don’t know?”

Harry shakes his head. “Nope. Probably suspect it, though.”

“Yeah, more like hoping for.” They both laugh because yeah, if anyone was hoping for them to get together, it’s probably those two. Especially Niall.

“Can we snog now?” Harry huffs impatiently.

Louis answers with a kiss and they spend the next few hours doing basically that.

They go to bed that night with Louis pressed up against Harry’s back, legs intertwined. It’s nice, Harry thinks, and he hopes it will be like this for a long time.

***

The boys come over the next day for movies and some FIFA. It’s nice and relaxing, having everyone over and not worrying about Louis acting weird.

Harry is sat by the arm of the couch, separated only by Louis’ bum with his legs thrown over Harry. Liam is sat beside them while Niall and Zayn are squished together on the chair.

They’re almost halfway through Iron Man but Harry isn’t really paying attention, focused on the way Louis is curled up against him with his head on Harry’s chest. He brings his hand up to play with Louis’ hair when Niall speaks up.

“You two sorted your shit out then? Since you’re not actin all weird and cuddled up?”

Harry smiles down at Louis, loving how peaceful he looks with his eyes closed and hair falling in his face. “Yeah, Ni. We sorted our shit out.”

“Bout fucking time. I didn’t think you’d ever get your shit together.”

Louis blinks his eyes open and smiles softly up at Harry. “Yeah, neither did I.”

He looks almost sad when he says it so Harry leans down and presses their lips together. It’s meant to be reassuring, that Harry is _right here_ , but Louis parts his lips and runs his tongue over Harry’s. They snog lazily for a while, not turning it dirty, when someone clears their throat.

Oops. Harry forgot about the others. He pulls back and looks at them, face hot with embarrassment.

Liam is smiling and Zayn’s got an eyebrow quirked and Niall. Niall has his fucking phone out, obviously having been recording them. Probably going to name it “Larry’s First Kiss” or some bullshit.

“I’d say it’s definitely sorted then.” God, Harry didn’t think his face could burn any brighter.

“Piss off, Niall.”

“So when did this-” Zayn motions between the two of them “happen?”

“Yesterday.” Harry is really glad Louis is able to speak for them because his mouth feels like it’s been filled with lead.

Niall slaps Zayn’s arm. “I fuckin told ya! I said, ‘wait till they have their first fight. It’ll be over some bloke and they’ll get together.’ You owe me twenty pounds.”

Harry groans and Louis cackles. “You bet on us? You fuckers! What’d you bet then, Zayn?”

Zayn actually looks embarrassed as he digs a twenty pound note out for Niall. “I said you’d get drunk and fuck.”

Jesus Christ, Harry will never forget this. Especially since he got drunk and tried to fuck Louis. He groans out loud and throws his head back against the couch.

Zayn snatches the note back right as Niall is about to grab it and looks at Harry curiously.

“You didn’t get drunk and fuck, did you?” It’s almost kind of funny how hopeful he looks.

“No, Zayn. We haven’t fucked yet.” Yet. The word goes straight to Harry’s dick because, yeah, he wants that.

Zayn’s face drops and he hands the note to Niall who cheers in victory.

The rest of the day is rather uneventful and by the time they’ve had dinner, Harry is nervous. He’s been thinking about what Zayn said and now he’s just trying to figure out how to ask Louis.

“What’s wrong, love? You’ve been acting funny all day.” Louis slides his arms around Harry’s waist, tucking his head under his chin and kissing his chest. Harry’s arms come up to wrap around Louis and he wills his heart to slow down, sure that Louis can feel it racing under his cheek.

“Can we-” Christ, Harry is so embarrassing. He should be able to ask his boyfriend if he can sleep with him. “Can we have sex?”

Louis pulls out from under him, a small frown on his face. “You sure, Haz? That’s pretty big. I don’t want to like, scare you off or something.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. You won’t scare me off, I’ve wanted to for a while now if I’m honest.” Louis bites his lip and blushes a little. Harry kisses his nose because he’s so cute.

“Yeah, we can have sex. As long as you’re completely sure.”

“Completely. You just. Just go slow with me, yeah? I’ve never done this before, obviously. I mean, I’ve never even tried fingers on myself before. Never got brave enough.”

Louis’ face burns bright red and he shuffles awkwardly on his feet. “Oh. I, uh. It doesn’t-. I. It doesn’t usually go that way for me, Haz.”

Harry’s head wrinkles in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I, uh, usually bottom. I mean. If you want, I can top but it’s been a while since I’ve done it, so. It might not be that great.” He’s staring at the wall behind Harry and chewing on his lip.

Harry thinks back to the one time he heard Louis have sex, remembers how it was _Louis_ who was the one to yell out _harder._ Oh. Well, that changes things a bit. Different images. Sure, Harry was looking forward to having Louis inside of him, but he really doesn’t want to make Louis uncomfortable. He can work with this.

“Okay, that’s… okay. Just, like I said. I don’t know what I’m doing. Walk me through it” He feels so stupid asking. It’s like he’s a fumbling idiot all over again.

Louis breathes out a sigh of relief. “Yeah, I can do that.” The way Louis smiles at him calms his nerves a bit and he kisses him again. Just because he can.

“Nervous?” It’s not mean or teasing, just genuine concern.

He can do this, he can. “A little, yeah.”

“Let’s go take a shower. Help you calm down.” Louis takes his hand and pulls him to the bathroom, Harry stumbling after him.  
Louis turns on the water, getting it ready as Harry strips. He steps in as Louis undresses, pulling the curtain shut as he follows.

The water does wonders for his nerves (as does Louis’ kisses) and he finally feels calm when Louis bends over to get the soap, giving Harry a great view of his ass.

His dick twitches and Harry barely holds back a moan. Fuck. He’s. He’s going to be _in_ Louis soon and his nerves shoot back up.

Louis straightens back up and kisses Harry as his arm goes behind him. Harry wouldn’t even know what was happening if it weren’t for the way Louis’ eyes flutter and the small sound that he hides.

Harry grabs his hips and bucks forward, their half hard cocks rubbing together. Louis moans out loud, pushing back, the water making them slide against each other.

After they’re clean and dry, they make their way to Louis’ room, not bothering to put on any clothes.

Louis goes straight to the bed, getting comfortable. Harry stops short by the edge, nerves getting the best of him.

“Come here, love.” Louis voice is soft and sweet, soothing Harry’s nerves just a little. This is okay. Louis wouldn’t let Harry do this if he wasn’t sure he _could_ do it.

He crawls up onto the bed, resting on his knees between where Louis has his legs spread. Louis pulls him down for a kiss, grabbing his hips and pulling him forward so they’re pressed together.

Okay. This is okay. He’s about to fuck his best friend. His boyfriend. Harry maybe kind of wishes he had a little to drink. Maybe then this wouldn’t be so terrifying.

“Relax, Haz.” Harry wills himself to calm down; he really doesn’t want to fuck this up.

“Here. Just-. There you go.” Louis laces their fingers together and wraps them around his dick, moving Harry’s hand so they’re jerking him off together. “Just go slow, okay? I want to last.”

“Okay.” They work their hands together, Harry’s own cock filling at the sound of _Louis_.

Harry leans down to take a nipple in his mouth, remembering how Louis liked that last time.

Louis moans out a “yeah, Haz” as Harry pulls at the nipple, rolling it in his mouth. He moves on to the other one, biting a little and Louis whimpers, back arching into Harry’s touch.

He smiles and kisses Louis again, their hands still moving together over Louis’ dick.

“What-. What do I do now?” he stutters. So stupid.

“Lube. And a condom. Top drawer.” Louis throws out his arm to point at the nightstand. Harry finds them easily enough, ignoring the fact that the box of condoms is half empty and settling back down between Louis’ legs.

He’s scooted down a bit, hand no longer on his cock and a pillow under his hips. Harry starts to ask but Louis just waves a hand dismissively, “It makes it a little easier.”

Harry nods, he is so out of his depth.

“Is there something in particular you want or do you just want to have sex?” Harry tries to think of what Louis could mean when he remembers. His cheeks flush and he bites his lip, thinking of that video he watched and how Louis said he loves it when _it gets wet and messy_.

“I wanna taste you.” When did his voice get so deep?

“Like blowjobs?” It’s pretty clear Louis’ just asking to be nice, giving Harry an out, even though his dick twitches and his hips move just the slightest. Harry shakes his head and Louis chews on his bottom lip, hips shifting again.

“Okay.” he breathes “Okay. Yeah, that’s-. Yeah.”

Good to know Harry’s not the only one who’s affected. Louis’ legs come together a little when Harry settles between them, like he’s trying to cover himself. Instead of getting more nervous, Harry actually feels more calm. Knowing that Louis is nervous too gives him a little confidence. Really makes him feel like he’s not in this alone. It doesn’t matter that Louis has done this before because Louis is _right here_ and he’s nervous, too.

“Not really anything I can help you with here, Haz. Just kind of go for it. Kind of like you would with a girl.” That’s a little comforting. Harry’s always been good at going down on people.

He rubs his hands on Louis’ thighs to get him to relax, sliding his hands under Louis’ bum and pulling his cheeks apart. “Not a girl.” he mumbles and licks a broad stripe over Louis’ hole. Louis moans loudly and brings a hand up to rest in Harry’s hair.

He licks again, trying to decide if he likes it or not. It’s bitter and tastes like soap with just a little hint of sweat. But it’s Louis and he decides he likes it.

He licks over him a few more times then stiffens his tongue and circles the rim. Louis’ hands tighten in his hair so he must like it.

He makes circles a few more times before pushing his tongue in as much as he can. It’s incredibly soft and the taste of _Louis_ is so much more concentrated. Harry definitely likes it.

He thrusts his tongue in and out a few times, Louis tight around him. He fucks him some more, then changes it up. He goes between broad, flat stripes to circling and fucking, mixing it up so Louis doesn’t know what to expect.

He’s pulling hard on Harry’s hair, hips coming down to try and chase Harry’s tongue. He slides his hands up to Louis’ hips, pulling him down more so Harry can get in deep, mouth pressed against Louis’ skin and tongue fucking him hard and fast. There’s spit covering Harry’s chin and smearing over Louis’ bum and Louis is honest to God riding Harry’s face.

Harry looks up to see Louis panting and moaning, hands braced on the headboard as he fucks back onto Harry, cock fully hard and leaking with the foreskin pulled tight.

“Haz. Haz! Stop, please!” His voice is weak and Harry pulls back, worried he did something wrong or hurt him somehow.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

“No. _Fuck. Yes_ ” he hisses “Don’t wanna-. Don’t wanna come yet.” Oh. Relief floods through Harry. He didn’t do anything wrong, exactly the opposite, actually.

“Lube. Fingers.” Louis manages between breaths. Right. He can do this. Going down on Louis was easy, one of the best things he’d done, this will (hopefully) turn out the same way.

He pours some lube out, probably more than necessary, and rests his fingers over Louis’ hole, spreading the lube around.

Louis squeezes his dick at the base and moans. “Go slow. Just one finger for now.”

Harry slides his index finger in, groaning at how hot and tight Louis is. He starts fucking his finger in, watching the way Louis’ mouth falls open, breath caught in his throat.

“Good, Haz. So good.” He speeds up then, watching in amazement as Louis falls apart. “Another. Fuck. _Please._ ” Harry tucks his middle finger in beside the first and slides it in on the next thrust, Louis stretching more around him.

This is by far the best Harry has ever felt. His nerves are completely gone and he’s so hard he’s aching. He can’t wait to fuck Louis.

“Pull your fingers apart. Like they’re, like they’re scissors.” He demonstrates with his own fingers and Harry follows suit, grinning at the moan it elicits from Louis. His hand falls back to the mattress, Louis panting as he pushes his hips down on Harry’s fingers.

His cock is bouncing, right in Harry’s line of vision, teasing him, mocking him. Like it’s saying _I’m right here._ Come beading at the tip, taunting. _Why don’t you taste me?_ And he wants to. So much.

Harry pushes up from where he’s laying, bracing himself on his left arm and leans down to take Louis in his mouth. He bucks up into Harry’s mouth, hitting the back of his throat and making him gag a little.

“Fuck! Haz! _Oh my God._ ” He’s panting again, trying not to fuck into Harry’s mouth. “One more. Fuck! One more, babe, _please_. So good.” Harry slips another finger in, fucking into Louis fast and matching his thrusts with the bobs of his head, moving so that he takes Louis down as his fingers come out and fucks into Louis as his mouth comes up.

“Curl your fingers.” He does so, determined to make this the best for Louis. “A little to the right. Ah! Right there! Fuck, don’t stop.” He curls his fingers on every thrust, hitting what he assumes is Louis’ prostate, over and over again. Louis is bucking his hips frantically now, overwhelmed by the feeling of Harry both in him and on him.

“Fuck, babe. Pull off.” He pulls on Harry’s hair to get him off and Harry moans, the pain and thought of Louis manhandling him, doing what he wants with him, going straight to his dick. He squeezes his fingers hard at the base, willing himself not to come at the thought. A trail of spit follows him as he pulls off and Harry licks the head of Louis’ dick to break it.

“Fuck me.” It’s barely there but Harry hears it. He pulls his fingers out, Louis whining at the loss, and reaches for a condom.

“Put some more lube on. On your dick.” After Harry has the condom on and he’s slicked up, he leans forward to kiss Louis.

Louis’ hands come to pull at his hair, shoving his tongue deeply into Harry’s mouth, quickly turning it into the dirtiest kiss they’ve ever had. Louis breaks away from him, panting and looking directly into his eyes. “Fuck me.”

“Fuck.” Harry lines his dick with Louis’ entrance and pushes in slowly. He stops when he’s all the way in, catching his breath and trying not to come already from how tight Louis is around him.

Once he’s sure he’s not going to explode, he pulls out nearly to the tip and slides back in. They both moan at the friction, Louis grabbing onto Harry’s arms.

“ Whenever you’re ready.” Louis pants out, hands squeezing on Harry’s arms.

He waits a few more seconds, taking a few deep breaths and begins to move. Louis whimpers and drags his nails down Harry’s arms.

It’s not enough to leave marks, let alone hurt, but it still does something for him and he wants it to be more. He thrusts harder into Louis, pushing out more whimpers and moans, trying to get Louis to use his nails, dig in or something.

Harry looks down at Louis and it hits him. He’s having sex with a guy. There’s no boobs and as pretty as Louis is, those cheekbones are too defined to be a girl’s and the sounds are too deep to be feminine. He’s waiting for a freak out, an ohmygod moment, but it never comes.

All he feels is love for this boy, _for Louis_ , and it’s turning him on even more.

He brings Louis’ legs up on his waist and bends over to kiss him, swallowing the moan that comes out as Louis’ nails dig into his shoulders. Harry hisses at the drag, stinging but oh so good.

“Haz.” Louis moans out, “Fuck, baby. Feels so good. So. UH! Good!” Harry preens under the praise, rewarding Louis with a love bite that will take days to fade.

“Harder. C’mon, babe, fuck me harder.” Harry slams into Louis who lets out a scream when Harry hits his prostate. He keeps up the pace, making sure not to change the angle, absolutely wrecking the boy under him.

“Close, so close. Please, touch me.” Harry’s hand goes to Louis’ dick without even thinking, smiling at how wet Louis is. He’s absolutely dripping, making the glide on his cock easy and slick.

Louis’ pants get heavier and his voice breaks every time he tries to say Harry’s name. Harry thrusts harder, skin slapping and the headboard smacking against the wall.

One more thrust at Louis’ prostate and a twist of his wrist at the head of Louis’ dick has him screaming out Harry’s name and shooting all over their stomachs.

Harry loses the rhythm as Louis’ muscles squeeze tight around him. Louis pulls him down for a kiss, just holding their mouths together and pulls on Harry’s hair so hard his head falls back, squeezing as tight as he can around him at he same time.

Harry moans out long and loud, as he fills the condom, hips shaking and stuttering to a stop.

They lay there exchanging small kisses and sharing breaths until Harry pulls out and throws away the condom. He gets up on shaky legs to go to the bathroom for a warm flannel to clean up with.

After they’re clean, they get under the duvet, Harry laying on Louis’ chest and listening to his heartbeat.

“So, good, Lou?” Louis chuckles and leans down to kiss Harry’s hair and brings a hand up to run through it.

“Fantastic, babe. Don’t know why you were so nervous.”

“Well, once I figured out it wasn’t that different, I kinda forgot about my nerves.” Harry smiles up at Louis, reveling in the warmth that runs through him when Louis smiles back.

“Well, you had nothing to worry about. Even if it was terrible, we still have plenty of time to work on it.

“Yeah, we do.” Harry leans up to kiss Louis, soft and sweet before snuggling back down on Louis’ chest. “Love you, Lou.” It may not be as much as it could be one day but for right now, it’s enough. And he knows that Louis knows that, too.

“Love you, babe.”

Harry falls asleep with a hand in his hair and the steady _thump thump_ of Louis’ heart beating against his ear. His favorite lullaby.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come [tell me](http://www.loudippedincaramel.tumblr.com) what you think!


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